


Memes with Connor

by Geronimouse



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Established Relationship, I'll probably regret this later, Joke Fic, M/M, Not Serious, hinted Simon/Markus, i was bored, it only gets worse, the fic I mean, vines and memes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-05
Updated: 2018-10-04
Packaged: 2019-06-05 14:45:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 25,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15172964
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Geronimouse/pseuds/Geronimouse
Summary: Connor doesn't know what memes are and Gavin decides to be a good boyfriend and show him memes and of course Hank over hears their conversation and joins in. Fuck yeah, Despacito is gonna be included. Plus Hank is gonna teach Connor about vines as an added bonus.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to contribute to Convin but I didn't know how until I came up with this. You're welcome. It's not very Convin-y but it's there.

It was a normal day so far at the DPD. Well, as normal as it gets. Android revolution ended 5 months ago, androids were freed, and Connor came back at the precinct as an official detective. All is good. Right? Well that is fucking incorrect and here's why.

Hank hasn't arrived just yet and Connor and Gavin are sitting at Gavin's desk having a small conversation about Gavin's teenage years. He talks about the types of friends he had and the type of technology and all that good stuff. Gavin doesn't really care all that much about Connor not knowing these things until a line is crossed.

"The internet was a real gem back then, we had great sites like the old YouTube, Tumblr, and memes sites. It was truly and great time to be alive. Except we had an orange for a president, that fucker."

"Memes?" 

This is it. The line had been crossed and there was no way Gavin was gonna let his poor, poor, uncultured boyfriend spend the rest of his robot life not knowing what the fuck memes were. Gavin was not gonna miss this opportunity, this was just simply not allowed. Memes were a turning point in human history and that only made Gavin more determined to help this poor unfortunate soul. This was the day Gavin's expertise on the knowledge of memes were going to come in handy.

"Oh no, Connor. Oh, no no no no!"

"Did I say something wrong?"

Yes, but that was gonna change today. Work can wait.

"Yes, baby, but that's okay because I can fix that. Now pay close attention because I'm about to tell you about some of the best memes of my youth."

This is it.

"Now, Connor. Memes back then about 20 years ago were the best thing about life for the majority of people. Memes could be meaningless and random that they were just funny. Such as the meme 'E'. So simple and meaningless yet people still found it funny."

"Meaningless indeed. I do not see how people would find that humorous."

"Shut up and listen. Now, there's another meme I was really into and it had to do with the song 'Despacito'. We would say shit like "This is so sad. Alexa, play Despacito." and everyone would find it funny. And then there's like jokes about there being a Despacito 2 to be announced. Shit was gold. Oh and we can't forget about the Shrek memes. Let me tell you, All Star by Smash Mouth was the shit."

"Gavin, I don't understa-"

"Shut the fuck up and listen, I'm trying to help you. And maybe after we're finished, we can head over to my place get jiggy with it, if ya know what I mean. Anyways, as I was saying-"

"Reed, what the fuck are you polluting Connor's mind with this time?"

It was Hank. Fucker's a millennial, right?

"Just teaching your son about memes because he doesn't know about them."

"Connor doesn't know about memes? What the fuck? Shit, move aside Reed."

Hank pulls out his phone and starts searching something. Gavin and Connor sit there waiting for whatever the hell Hank was doing. 

"Now Connor, memes were great and all but there was another thing we had. Vines. Iconic vines."

"Jesus fucking christ."

"SHUT THE FUCK UP, REED. Fucking normie."

"Hey, I'm the one teaching Connor here."

Connor sits there, unsure of whether he should run now while he can or endure it all. 

X Endure all  
O Escape

Tough decision. Gavin is his boyfriend and he certainly wouldn't want to upset him and the same goes for his good father figure Hank. He knew the consequences of having to stay and endure all of this nonsense that the two found funny and he did not want to have to go through that. There's only one option. Connor makes a run for it before either of the two could notice. Hank turns to Connor and he's about to head out the doors. Hank of course tries to run after him but it was no use. Connor was already gone.

"Hah, get shrekt, Anderson."

"Shut the fUck up, Reed. And Connor, this isn't over!"

Hank yells that last part even thought Connor is long gone by now, that thot. Hank then trips over his feet, his head falling towards the edge of Gavin's desk and-

To be continued...


	2. This Precinct is a Fucking Nightmare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hank and Gavin just won't leave Connor alone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your comments are amazing and I greatly appreciate them. They give me life so thank you and for that I present you with chapter 2!

Day 2. After the incident, Connor had reluctantly visited Hank because he doesn't get to see him often outside of work ever since he moved in with Gavin. Connor wonders if maybe he should have just stayed with Markus and the others at Jericho. At least they wouldn't pelt him with unfunny humor. All he can do is pray to rA9 that this will all end soon. Connor had just awoken from sleep mode and surprisingly, Hank is already up and ready. His left forehead had a pretty large patch on it from the nasty fall he had at work just after Connor left. This worried Connor. Not the nasty wound he got but the fact Hank was up before him. He can only imagine the torture he will have to go through today.

"Good morning, Hank. Why are you up so early? You normally don't wake up at this time."

The time was 7:23 am on a Thursday morning. An unusual time indeed. 

"Connor, I think you know why I'm up." 

Hank put his arm around Connor's shoulder and gave him a Cheshire cat grin. This was not good, not good at all. Connor immediately figured out what's got Hank awake so early in the morning. Right now, running to Jericho didn't seem like a bad idea. Connor attempted to run out the door but Hank was quickly grabbed him by the collar and held him in place as if moving was gonna get him killed.

"Not this time, Connor. I'm gonna do you an educate and you're gonna fucking listen so sit the fuck down on that couch."

Hank gave him a little push and Connor obeyed and sat down. Connor has never been more afraid of the people he trusted. Hank pulled out his phone. Shit. Hank had pulled up another video from rA9 knows where. It was titled 'vines that butter my eggroll' 

"Now you sit there and watch that while I make something to eat. Got it?'

"Got it."

Connor sat there are watched, afraid of the consequences if he didn't. Hank was making a sandwich and looked to be struggling. Makes sense. He was multi tasking and Hank wan't always good at that. Like at all.

"Hank, do you require any assistance?"

Anything if it meant he didn't have to watch this. Yeah, some of it was funny but it would only mean that Hank had won.

"Fuck it. Sure, whatever."

What Connor didn't know was that Hank had just then set a trap for Connor. Hank had on a smirk, making sure it wasn't visible to Connor.

"Alright Connor, now I need you to cut this fre sh a voca do."

"This what?"

"Fresh avocado, dammit. You're more of an normie than Reed."

Hank handed him the avocado. Connor didn't like this at all. It's a trap! He should've known, Hank had set him up. Connor hesitantly grabbed a kitchen knife and

"What do you have there?"

"A knife?"

"NO!"

Hank rushed towards him and snatched the knife from his hand. This was gonna be a long day

Time skip to the drive to the precinct. Connor sat in the passenger seat, looking out the window, making sure not to make eye contact. Some signs were coming up which meant construction was going on up ahead.

"Road work ahead? Uh, I sure hope it does!"

"Road work ahead doesn't necessarily mean- oh."

Connor shut mouth his once he realized what Hank had just done. His LED had turned red. They Finally had arrived at the precinct. Connor saw Gavin was already there. Great.

"Heey, Connor."

Gavin had greeted him first. Oh no. Connor could try to ignore the two today but Connor knows fully well that that would never work out.

"Connor! Reed! In my office!"

It was Fowler, thank rA9. Hopefully Gavin had enough dignity not to say anything meme related in Fowler's presence. Oh, but how completely wrong he was.

"I'm taking you two off the case due to Reed's slacking off yesterday. Don't think I didn't notice, Reed."

"This is so sad, Connor, play Despacito."

Connor gave him a side glance. How dare he. Fowler pace palmed and made a shooing motion with his free hand, meaning to get the fuck out. Hank was waiting for them outside the door a few feet away.

"So, what happened in there?"

"Gavin got us taken off the case. If you hadn't-"

"Oof, press F to pay respects."

Connor was glad the two were starting to get along, is glad, but this is ridiculous.

"Hey, Connor"

Gavin spoke up, making Connor flinch. Oh god, what now.

"Yes?"

"Just answer the question but have you went to oovoo javer recently?"

"No."

"No what?"

Connor sighed. He knew what Gavin was doing and yet he gave him the satisfaction anyways.

"No, I never went to oovoo javer."

Both Hank and Gavin were hunched over laughing uncontrollably. This earned a few stares from some of the people in the precinct. If android hell existed, this would be it.

"I swear, I'm gonna kill the both of you before this ends."

"I'm a bad bitch, you can't kill me!"

They both said it in unison. This really is android hell. It was only getting worse by the minute. They had their eyes shut and were too busy laughing. This was his chance to run. The only place he could think of to go to was Jericho with Markus, Simon, and the violent creature known as North. He should be safe there. Connor slowly backed up enough and quickly turned away and darted out the building.

"Ah, fuck, There he goes."

"Gotta go fast."

And there they were again, laughing like hyenas high on crack.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this satisfies your hunger. Is this good enough? I hope so. Thanks to everyone who left suggestions and my good frens from the DPD discord server


	3. Jericho was supposed to be safe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor ran away to Jericho to get away from the memes. Nowhere is safe apparently.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bruh, Connor gonna die internally soon. OOF

Connor kept running as fast as he could. He had to get away. Jericho. Nobody knew about memes or vines there, right? Well. HM HM HM. YOU WERE WR0NG! While just about everyone there were just as clueless about it as Connor was, there was just one unexpected person there who did know. Simon. Of all the androids in Jericho, it was SIMON. How did he find out? Who told him? Why him? WHY? Where his answers ever going to be figured out? Find out on the next episode of Dragon Ball Z!

"Jericho. Finally." 

Finally, indeed. Connor walked inside and met up with Markus and the rest and Connor told him all about what Hank and Gavin put him through. A real fuckin' nightmare. But it wasn't over just yet. Assuming it was gonna end, which it had to. Right? FIZZITYUCK NO.

"Memes you say, huh? And vines? Heh."

"Simon, is there something you aren't telling us?" Markus beat Connor to the question.

"Well, my dear Markus, before I came to Jericho, my master had a kid. Well. An adult but still his son. Let's just say him and I used to be pretty close. He told me a lot of things from his youth and one of those things happened to be Memes. Vines, too."

Connor was feeling a little light headed now. Connor had come to Jericho to escape memes and vines and it appears it followed him like a poodle. Looks like Connor wasn't gonna catch a break just yet. RA9, have mercy.

"Hey Markus." Simon goes and grabs a nearby chair and hops on it.

"Yes,Simon?"

Simon jumps off and crouches down with his arms out and-

"I'M GAY!"

Simon falls over laughing with his hands over his stomach. Why did it have to be Connor?

"Markus, can you help me up?"

Markus reaches his hand out to pull Simon up before his skin pulls back to reveal his white synthetic arm. Simon is showing Markus everything he knows. This is not good. Markus slowly grins and it just gets bigger and bigger every second. This is so not gonna go down well. It's over for Connor. He must leave right away.

"I'm just gonna go now..."

Connor was about to leave again but North grabbed him by the arm before he could even start running.

"Oh no you don't. We both know you have nowhere to go and there is no way in hell these two are gonna act like this while I'm here. I will personally murder them if I have to."

"Well it looks like North has gone South."

"SIMON I SWEAR TO FUCKING RA9"

"Hecc." (Ooh, Simon swore)

"Hey, no swearing on my Christian server, Simon."

"Sowwy, Mawkus."

"I'm out. Bye, Felicia"

"Lol."

That was Josh. For fucks sake, not him, too. Whatever. Connor took that as his cue to leave, too.

"Well, I'm just gonna go now.."

Connor bolted out like his life depended in it and thankfully, North let him and nobody bothered to stop him. Only one problem. Where is he supposed to go to now? Jericho isn't safe and the precinct is out of the question. Definitely can't go back to Hank or Gavin's, that's suicide. This meme and vine thing had returned and was spreading like a virus. A computer virus. If there's a problem, you contact support. Kamski. He could go to Kamski's and ask him for help. Of course! Why hadn't he thought of this sooner? He had to know something, like a way to directly erase an android's memory. 

-one taxi ride later-

Connor politely knocked on the door to Kamski's where Connor was then greeted by Scarlett Johansson (Chloe). She kindly told him Kamski was and Connor walked over and busted down the door before aiming his pistol towards Kamski, telling him to back the fizzityuck up (he said fuck, Connor doesn't meme).

"Connor? What's this about?"

"Shut up and just tell me what I need to know and then I'll leave."

"Okay. What do you need to know?"

"How to directly delete android's memories. Everyone I know is torturing me with these things called 'memes' and it just keeps spreading and following me everywhere I go!"

"Memes? I remember those."

"Shut up! Just answer the question!"

"Woah, calm down there, Zucc, you don't have to shout at me. Now I'm afraid I'm going to have to disappoint you because there is no way to delete other android's memories. Sorry."

"Shit." 

'What the hell do I do now? I can't delete memories and I have nowhere to go. Definitely not going back to Cyberlife. I suppose I just have to suck it up and go back to Gavin's. I have to anyways. We start another case tomorrow and have to investigate a crime scene together. This is Gavin's job so hopefully he'll be serious about it and not say any of that dumb stuff while on the job. He just can't do that. Can he?'

After taking another cab, Connor arrives at Gavin's and walks in, closing the goddamn door behind him. It was 5:46 PM. Gavin texted him earlier saying he wouldn't be home until 7:30 and had sent him the files for the case they were on. Gavin also said that before he left for home, he'd be stopping at Target. Except he didn't say Target to be exact. More like "b4 I come home im gonna stop at T T T T T TARGEET" followed by "that was a vine btw". This relationship was gonna be the death of him. At least he had some alone time to himself before Gavin returned, thank rA9. Gotta make it last because he's gonna need this time to prevent himself from going mad. Connor sat down on the couch and turned on the TV and the first channel was one that did reruns of old kid's movies. Particularly The Bee Movie. If Connor knew about the meme, he'd probably break down crying. Shh. Don't tell him!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: I originally planned for this to be a one shot


	4. Please let this be a normal investigation!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With the memes? No way!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why do I do this again?

It was day 4 of this fucking nightmare. The memes have not stopped and Connor doesn't think he can take much more of this. They just won't leave him alone. Hank and Connor are at a crime scene today investigating a murder. A man was murdered in his own home. He was stabbed 37 times in the chest and his hands are missing. Connor has some speculations. He's about to reconstruct what may have happened before he heard a noise coming from the kitchen so he leaves the living room to see. Let it be known, it was Hank and in his hands were a box of Ben & Jerry's ice cream.

"Hank, this is a crime scene. You shouldn't be doing that."

"What, is this the murder weapon? Get off my dick!"

Hank closes the freezer door and turns around to leave back to the living room.

"Hank, I swear, if that was another one of your memes-"

"Yes, Connor. It was. What are you gonna do about it, kill me?"

After some reconstruction and forcing Hank to return the ice cream before he gets caught, they leave the scene and head back to interrogate the man who murdered the victim. His name is Paul Steele and his files suggest he was possibly mentally ill. Connor was first to interrogate the man.

"So why did kill him? 37 seems excessive. His hands are missing, too. Why is that?"

"He startled me."

They were silent. 

"Can you walk me through what happened. exactly?"

"Sure. Well. I was drunk and thought I was in my house. I was reading a book which meant I was focused and not expecting anything and then this guy walked in, so I turned around and grabbed a knife and stabbed him 37 times in the chest."

"Alright. That still doesn't explain why his hands are missing."

"Right, well, you see. I, uh, I kind of cooked them up and ate them. I was hungry and well, ya know, when ya crave hands-"

"Why would you do that, though?"

"I was hungry for hands! Give me a break."

"Paul."

"My stomach was making the rumblies."

"Paul."

"That only hands would satisfy."

"Paul!"

"Yes?"

"You know what? I'm done. We've got what we need. I'm out of here. Bye."  
.  
A couple hours have passed and Connor has tried his best to stay clear of Hank, Gavin, and the weird cannibal guy. He was unsuccessful because Gavin knew just where to look for him. Well. He just happened to stumble upon him in the men's bathroom. He should have known Gavin would enter at least once.

"Connor? What are you doin' in here?"

"Trying to stay away from you and Hank. You're both driving me insane!"

"Alright, alright. Hey. Here's an idea. How about you relax and we can have a nice dinner tonight. I'll cook something nice and you won't have to worry about a thing."

That was a fucking lie. Little did Connor know, Gavin had his fingers crossed behind his back. Connor didn't even bother to check if he was lying. Too much trust is put into Gavin. This is gonna be one hell of a night.

"This is gonna be the best dinner you've ever had. Change my mind."

"I don't think I can."

"Good."

"And don't worry about what we'll be eating. I'm not gonna dump a bunch of Tide Pods on a plate. Yes, it was a meme which I may or may not have participated in but it's alright because I didn't swallow any. Detergent kills."

"Good. I wouldn't want a complete idiot for a boyfriend."

"Sure. You'd still love me anyways, admit it."

Connor turns his head away and says nothing.

"Knew it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This entire interrogation scene is a reference if you hadn't noticed. It's called Llamas With Hats if you haven't seen it. Part 1. Good shit. Also, sorry if this chapter is shorter than the rest. I'm a bit time limited atm and will be leaving up north for the weekend which means I won't have time to write. Oh, but don't worry. Writing will resume Sunday.


	5. Gavin, No, How Dare You?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We're gonna say CyberLife created a new function that allows androids to eat and shit like that. Connor and Gavin have dinner but Gavin fickin fails at cooking and they end up having something else and memes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I almost didn't write this tonight. You're fucking welcome, ya lovely lucky bastards. I love you all

"GOD DAMMIT"

It's currently 7:45 PM on a Friday night and Gavin is trying to make that special dinner just as he had promised. He was trying to make a soup but as it turns out, Gavin fucking sucks at cooking. He burnt the chicken and the soup is getting cold. The table is decorated with a cheap but nice deep red table cloth and has 2 lavender scented candles. The lights are also dimly lit. Both of them have a glass of Gavin's best whine and nice silver utensils. 

"Fuck it. We're having ramen tonight."  _How romantic._

"But isn't that unhealthy and not romantic?"

"Shut up. Just. Shut up, okay? Shut up."

**Approximately 5 minutes later. Connor has microwaved 2 bowls of chicken flavored instant ramen.**

"Sorry I kinda ruined dinner but it's the thought that counts, right?"

"Of course."

 Suddenly Gavin looks up at Connor wearing a smirk that could only belong to the devil himself.

"So, Connor..." His smirk turns into a grin

"Ya like jazz?"  _He fucking wiggles his eyebrows._

Connor drops his fork and his mouth hangs open. He looks like he's about to have a heart attack. So what does Gavin do? Be grabs Connor's fork, picks up some noodles with it and shoves the whole thing in his mouth.

"Have some ramen."

the nerve.. Connor reluctantly chews and swallows the noodles, ignoring the pop ups of the analyzed ingredients. Connor then looks away from Gavin. Gavin then grabs a remote and presses a button to play a song. _Careless Whisper._

"You said you wouldn't bring your memes into this."

"You've been doing your research, eh, Con? Heh. Anyways, I had my fingers crossed behind my back meaning I didn't break any promises."

Gavin then turns off the music.

"Connor. Just know that.. I love you, b i t ch. I ain't never gonna stop loving you, b i t c h."

"Gavin, no."

"And know that.. I'm never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna run around and desert you."

"Gavin, why?"

"Never gonna make you cry, never gonna say goodbye, never gonna tell a lie and hurt you."

"I find that very ironic."

"IIII just wanna tell you how I'm feelin'"

"Me, too."

"Gotta make you understand."

"I don't want to."

"Fucking dammit, Connor."

"That's it. I'm going to Hank's"

"So this is Loss."

The front door shuts and Connor has left Gavin all by himself. What a guy. Leaving Gavin to only his lonely ass. No one to talk to but himself.

"All by my seeelf."

"Lonely. I'm Mr. Lonely."

"I have crippling depression."

"Guess I'll die."

**Meanwhile at Hank's**

"And he just shoves a fork full of ramen into my mouth! Then he proceeds to sing Rick Astley to me and quoting more memes."

_Hank just fucking laughs at him_

"Lmao, who did this?"

"Hank!"

"You know what? I'm starting to like that asshole, Reed more and more. I still don't like him, though. Fuckin' normie gen z trash."

"Hank."

"Connor. This thing between me and Reed. This thing that we're doin' to ya. It's not gonna end so instead of rollin' your eyes and trying to stop or ignore us, how 'bout you just relax and laugh with us? Like that saying, uhh. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em. Ye?"

Connor looked at Hank with the "I'm not playin' around face" and that, of course, fuckin Sherlock over here, meant Connor was serious.

"Lighten up, kid. You're a deviant, remember? So you better start acting like one."

"I know what I am, Hank."

"... Fuckin' Tumblrite."

"Tumblrite?"

"Oh, you sweet fuckin' cinnamon roll. Sinnamon roll Hank is here to protec, attac, but most importantly, prevent you from becoming one of those creatures of the dark. Tumblr was a dark and dangerous place to be back when we had it. You don't know what dark creatures lurk there. Evil creatures. I was once one before Obama saved me. Allow me to be your Obama."

"Hank."

"Nani?"

"Nevermind."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still waiting to be saved by Obama. Until then, I remain a creature of dark


	6. Memelord900

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor thought Gavin and Hank was bad, oh just wait. In this, there's only a few RK900's because reasons I'm too lazy to come up with. I'll leave it to you guys. Connor thought befriending an RK900 would be good but he was severely wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to thank Magnet for the idea of memelord RK900 and a fren from my Discord server, Funky, for the wonderful name. I'd also like to thank them for many of the ideas used to write this chapter

It is currently a Monday morning and Gavin, Hank, and Connor are in the interrogation room interrogating a suspect. Hank is in there asking questions while Connor and Gavin sit and watch. Nothing exciting. All of a sudden there's a knock at the door. Who could it be? Connor opens up the door and it's someone he didn't expect.

The door opens and reveals an RK900.

_[Laugh track]_

"This always happens." He says, looking into the audience (you guys).

"Who the hell are you talking to? Most importantly, who are you?"

"Gavin, this is _Chad_. A friend of mine I was not expecting to see here today."

" _Chad?_ The fuck? Who named you?"

"Yeah,it's a pretty  _funky_ name." _Chad_ turns to the audience and another laugh track plays. "Yeah, I'm breaking the 4th wall for this."

"What? What are you looking at, there's nobody there! And what 4th wall?!"

"Doesn't matter. I'm just here to inform you that I'm your new partner."

_[Dramatic zoom in on Gavin's face]_

"What?! No fucking way! I'm not gonna be partners with an android named  _Chad_."

_Chad_ looks to you, the audience, rolling his eyes and huffs.

"Stop narrating me." Well, fuck you. This is my story and I'm telling it. Not my fault you got shoved in it. Prick.

"Who the hell are you talking to? Seriously. You got someone on the phone or something?"

"Sure, let's go with that. Now if you'll excuse me, I gotta get going." _Chad_ exits the room pointing his middle finger at me, that fucker. Does he know how much these walls cost to fix?

_[Muffled laugh track from the other side of the door along with a "Goddammit!"]_

"A friend of yours, eh, Con?" Gavin cocks his eyebrows.

"I thought befriending an RK900 after the revolution would be beneficial. Guess I befriended the wrong one. There are only 3 in the world."

Connor sits in the chair next to Gavin and pulls out his coin to fiddle with. 

"Of all the names he could have chosen, he picks  _Chad._ "

**Time skip 10 minutes later. Hank, Connor, Gavin, and _Chad_   are talking**

"Memes? I love memes!"

"Wow,  _Chad._ That's probably the first thing to come out of your mouth that I agree with."

"Thank you, Gavin. Ya know, I think I would consider myself a memelord."

"Oh, really?" Hank leaned more into the his desk.

"Yes, Hank. Really."

"Oh no,  _Chad_ , not you, too!" Poor Connor.

"Smooth Yoda is my lord and savior and I have Obama senpai to thank for it."

"You are amazing."

"Fuck yeah, I agree 11/10."

"I don't"

"Shut up, Connor."

Gavin slaps the top of  _Chad's_ head.

"This bad boy can fit so many memes."

"And for that, I now must assert dominance."

_Chad_ T-poses.

"Okay, I'm fucking serious, stop narrating everything. And stop italicizing my name every time it's said. It's not funny." You don't fucking control me, _Chad!_

"Who the hell are you talking to?! What are you even looking at!? Nobody is narrating anything. Phcking android."

"Oh, you poor, sweet, naive child."  _Chad_ looks towards the audience, shaking his head

_[Laugh track]_

"Oh, fuck me. I'm leaving."

_Chad_ leaves the building.

_[Almost inaudible laugh track]_

Th-th-th-th-th- that's all folks!

_Chad_ will return.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd end this with an actual note but I have some bills to pay. The 4th walls don't come cheap


	7. The Secrets of Chad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just some more Chad. I'm gonna be real honest. I l o v e C h a d  
> Chad gets a little to real in this

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chad is really great. If you don't like Chad, well it sucks to be you. No, I'm kidding, I love you.

It's the next day.  _Chad_ is still being  _Chad_. He's still talking to air and staring into nothing. Everyone thinks hes schizophrenic or something but that wouldn't make sense considering he's an android. 

"Hey,  _Chad_ , you want some soda?" Gavin had offered him a can of Dr. Pepper.  _Chad_ gladly accepts the can and puts the can to his lips and looks at it as he discovers a little problem.

"The fuck? This bitch empty, _ **YEET**_!"  _Chad_ chucks the empty can as far as he could and it hits a wall, leaving a small crack.

"Damn,  _Chad_. Maybe you should try out for some android baseball team. I'm sure they'd love to have you." 

"Thank you, Lieutenant."

"I'd tell you to call me Hank, but I don't think that'd be fair to Connor considering I made him wait longer than I've known you."

"It's fine. I understand."

_[Aww track]_

_Chad_ turns to face the audience and gives a small smile before scowling at the author, me. I love you,  _Chad_. We love you.

"Fuck you."

"What the fuck,  _Chad!_ I thought we were cool!"

"No, not you, Reed! I was talking to the audience."

"There is no audience. You got a screw loose up there? A malfunction?"

"Open your eyes, Reed! Reality isn't what you think! You think you control your lives on your own free will but you don't!"

"You're crazy!"

"You're blind!"

"Alright, break it up!" Hank pushes  _Chad_ and Gavin away from eachother. 

"Stay outta this, Krabs!"

"What did you just call me?"

"Mr. Krabs. Ya know. Spongebob."

"I'm not gonna even try to understand why."

"Life has no meaning."

"Now that's what I call edgy."

"Big oof. I used to be like that in my teen years."

"For you, Reed, I wouldn't doubt it. You look like the type to make suicide jokes."

"Bush did 9/11."

"Fuck you, Reed."

"Sorry, I'd rather fuck Connor."

"You little bitch."

"Where the hell even is Connor?"

Thank rA9  _Chad_ said that because Connor was just about to enter the archives room before Hank had spot him. So close. Looks like Connor wasn't gonna get away this time. What a shame. Maybe next time if he's quick enough.

"And where do you think you're goin', eh, Connor?

"Oh, uh. Hank. Nowhere.."

"Yeah, uhuh. I know when you're lying. I don't even need to look at that mood ring of your's anymore to be able to tell."

"Eh.. Mood. Ring.."

"Basically."

"Now get back over there before I yeet you over there."

"What?"

"Get the fuck over there before I fucking make you."

"Oh, uh. Okay.."

Connor hesitantly takes a step forward before sulking over to Gavin and _Chad_   with Hank. He was so close to escaping the memes and shit for maybe a good 30 minutes.  _Chad_ must have noticed, he thought. Of course he had walked up to them at the worst time.  _Chad_ is being an edgy bitch, making up shit and being a little too deep.

"What people don't know is that every time you fall asleep, you die. Someone else wakes up in your body thinking they are you. You are alone, trapped in your own mind. The world around you is your lie. Soon, you will be nothing. You will never again hear sounds, never again see colors, never again be anyone."

"Shit, man, that's deep as fuck. Who told you that?"

"I am the only one who knows the secrets of life and death. I know what happens because I've visually seen it happen. A light. It showed me. Someone. Something. They or it took my hand and forced upon me a vision, showing me many secrets of the universe. I'm not sure why it told me but ever since then, I've experienced things no one else could even begin to see or come to understand. This is a world of lies in which the truth had lied in and had been extracted and given to me. I know things no one else does. I see and hear things that are there that nobody else has the mentality to comprehend. I see into the 4th dimension."

"Uh... I'm just.. gonna go now."

"Go ahead, leave. But just know that they are watching. Observing. Life is meaningless and we must make the most out of it before it's all over. You'll see. You'll all see."

"Ahah.. Ha.. Yeah.. Okay. Uh.. Bye?" 

"What is life to you, Reed? Do you find there are many things about your so called world that you don't understand? Mysteries you can't get a grasp on? How do you know your perceptions are real? What is the difference between the world we know and the dream world?"

"Stop being so fucking creepy!"

"Embrace the truth, Gavin! Nothing is as it seems! Believe what you want but I know the truth!"

At this point Gavin has ran out of the building and Connor and Hank have left. Everyone in the precinct is staring and or hiding from  _Chad_. He's pretty sure he just heard someone call their therapist and he can kinda of hear a woman screaming in the restroom. The whole precinct is fucked up. There's an officer in the break room downing an entire mug of coffee. 

"They're fine."

_Chad_ fucking yeets himself out of the building before thanking Obama.

"I'm gonna need to shove my entire face into a tub of bleach." An officer says.

"I need holy water." Another says.

"I wanna fucking die." 

"Ya'll need Jesus." Fowler says to everyone

"RIP."

Yeah, pretty much everyone in this entire fucking precinct except for Fowler was mentally fucked by  _Chad._

"Guys. I'm ded."

"Omae wa mou shindeiru."

"Nani?!"

Yep. Mentally fucked beyond repair. Thanks  _Chad_. You broke everyone. And the walls. Goodbye 4th wall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not as memey as my previous ones but that's okay. Just means more chapters. Yay? Lol.  
> https://geronimouse.tumblr.com/post/175758032950/chad-from-my-fic-memes-with-connor-on-ao3  
> The link to my Tumblr post. I drew Chad


	8. Twilight: Breaking Memes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He's getting there. Not quite yet, though. He just needs to stick around Chad more. Also, Gavin should hide his movie collection better when people visit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanna forever be known as the girl who created Chad, the 4th wall breaking memelord that gets way too philosophical

So we time skip ahead about 2 days. Everyone has recovered from what  _Chad_ had said when he started getting way too philosophical messed everyone up mentally. Connor and  _Chad_ had spent a significant amount of time together and has learned a few things from him that really had him thinking. Maybe memes and vines are _that_ bad. Perhaps he should just accept them. Perhaps that was the key to ending this seemingly never ending madness. It was obvious Hank and Gavin weren't gonna back down, and had only gotten worse with the addition of  _Chad_. Of course he wasn't going to up and accept it immediately right then and there. It's gonna take some time before he really does that. Hanging with  _Chad_ has really taught him some valuable life lessons. He's still really strange, though.

"You know,  _Chad,_ you've really taught me some really helpful things. I think I'm ready to start accepting the meme lifestyle as presented by You, Hank, and Gavin without too much difficulty."

"That's great, Connor! I guess all you needed was a friend to really show you the ins and outs of life."

"Yeah. Thanks,  _Chad_."

"Ye."

"About time, Con. Looks like this is the end of the so called torture."

"Indeed it is, Gav. Though not quite yet. I'm getting there, too. Just give me some time."

"Good enough for us."

"Yep" Gavin fucking dabs. Hank doesn't seem to like that.

"You're dead to me."

"Wasn't I always dead to you?"

"Yeah, but this time you're like.. Deceased."

"Gotcha."

"I still can't believe it's barely been a week and  _Chad's_ already got Connor almost accepting the things we do and say." Hank laughs and crosses his arms.

"Right? He's like a witch of some sort. Maybe one day Connor will join us and say a bunch of memes and vines. Maybe we'll see the day when he's the one annoying us with them."

"Heh, yeah right. That'll be the day me and Fowler stop having arguments every damn time I see him. Maybe it'll even be the day you and Connor break up."

"Whatever. That'll never happen. You're just jealous Connor likes to spend more time with me than he does with you."

"Reed, I'm this close to snapping your neck."

"I don't think Connor would appreciate his father figure murdering his boyfriend right in front of him."

"Just you wait Reed. One day Connor will be over your Joker looking ass."

"Whatever, old man. Connor loves me. He wouldn't dare even think about leaving me. It's wild, your imagination. Like, please. Connor wanting to leave the only person that will ever show him as much affection as I do? In your dreams, Freddy Krueger."

This silly bantering went on for about another 2 minutes before  _Chad_ and Connor finally had enough. They didn't have time for this. The more important matter at hand is that poor bean, Connor still wasn't entirely accepting of memes.

"Connor, just accept it. Do it for the vine."

"I ain't gonna do it."  _Chad_ smirks. Mission success?

"Do it for vine!"

"I Ain't gonna fucking do it,  _Chad_."

"Fuck you."

"It's not gonna work, just give up!"

"Shit. Fine then. Bye Felicia!"

 _Chad_ leaves and enters the restrooms to fix his perfect hair.

_[Muffled laugh track]_

* * *

 

It's the end of everyone's shift. Connor and Gavin have invited  _Chad_ over because he's so fucking cool. And weird. Mainly cool, though.  _Chad_ has found something of Gavin's that he didn't quite expect.

"Wow, Gavin. I didn't take you as the Twilight type. Shit, you have every movie."

"What? No. I don't like Twilight. Those aren't mine, dipshit."  _Chad_ scoffs and Connor rolls his eyes.

"Gavin.. Why the fuck you lyin'? Why you always lyin', hmm oh my god! Stop fucking lying!"

"I'm not lying!"

"Gav, just admit it. It's nothing to really be ashamed of. So what you like movies for 13 year old girls?"

"You need an ice pack for the burn? My systems detect a 3rd degree burn."

"Okay, fuck you. I just think Jacob looks really hot without a shirt. I mean, have you seen those abs?!"

"So you're team Jacob?"

"No, I-"

"Team Edward?"

"Shut the fuck up, no. I just really liked Taylor Lautner at the time."

"Okay. I'm just gonna say this for the sake of Gavin's ego. I do have to agree about the Taylor Lautner thing with him shirtless."

"Thank you,  _Chad_. Someone gets it."

"But that doesn't mean I'm gonna go and buy literally every movie."

"Oh, fuck you." Connor and  _Chad_ high five.

"I hate both of you."

"You don't think that, Gavin."

"Yes I do."

"Do you really hate me?" Connor looks at him with a really seductive look and then winks at him. If it were possible, Gavin would be a puddle of goop right now. If only  _Chad_ weren't here because there are a few things Gavin really wants to do to him for pulling that. ;)

"I-uh. Well. No, I mean. Uh. Shit. Fuck you. I mean, I love you. UGH!" 

"It's okay, Gav, I forgive you."

"Yeah, whatever. We'll always have a better love story than Twilight no matter what" Gavin mumbled that last part and it thankfully went unnoticed.

"So... Anyone up for watching Twilight?"

"Wow,  _Chad_. I didn't take you as the Twilight type."

"I'm not even gonna argue my way out of this like Gavin had attempted and failed at."

"Hey!"

"Just shut up, Gavin."  _Chad_ looks at the audience smirking and rolls his eyes.

"Seriously,  _Chad_ , stop doing that. Nobody's falling for that chosen one shit. Yeah, that shit you said kinda messed me up but it don't mean shit. There's. No. Audience. And there definitely isn't a 4th wall either. That's the shit you see in movies, TV, and video games. Not real life, so cut the shit already."

"Oh, the irony." Gavin just gives a really frustrated sigh as he pops the DVD in the DVD player. Gavin really did like using old objects from his youth. In fact, he has a GameCube in his closet along with a few other old consoles. Like a PS4. Maybe later they'll play some Super Smash Bros Ultimate on his Nintendo Switch. Connor will think about that later. He's got some fucking Twilight to watch. Hell yeah!

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm gonna be honest, the Twilight part wasn't part of the plan. It just happened and I just stuck with it. I had to change the title and add to the summary which I hadn't expected. I just go with the flow when writing these. I just write whatever comes to mind. I never give it too much thought.


	9. Life Sure is Great, Eh Connor?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's a case and Connor and the rest have to head over to Jericho. The car ride isn't very pleasant for Hank

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why is it so fuckin hard for me to write long chapter?

Last night Gavin, Connor, and  _Chad_ had stayed up watching every movie of the Twilight saga which was apparently a bad idea because Gavin was really tired and the two androids didn't really get enough time to charge. Needless to say they got to work later than they normally do. Poor Hank could have stayed in bed longer. How Connor had talked him into waking and getting to work early on his own was beyond him. He stayed there hours doing work he could have done later and waiting for people who wouldn't show up until 3 hours later. When Hank walked out of the restrooms and started to head back, he heard some familiar voices that weren't there before coming from the break room. Hank walked to the breakroom and slammed his fist against the wall, gaining the attention of all 3.

"WHY WEREN'T YOU AT ELF PRACTICE?!" 

"Eh, oh, uh. Hank, uh. Sorry. We weren't watching Tw- some movies and we ended up watching more than we intended to and it resulted in-"

"You know what? I don't care anymore."

"Sorry, Hank is just salty he didn't need to show up to work on time today."

"Daaamn."  _Chad_ had his hands over his mouth to project his voice and Gavin snickered a bit. Hank rolled his eyes.

"So, Anderson, what's on the agenda today?"

"We're going on a little road trip to the new location of Jericho. We need to ask Markus a few questions. See if he knows anything that could help us with the case." Jericho? Connor's eyes widened, remembering his last trip to Jericho. That was a nightmare he wouldn't want to relive. Connor didn't care if he was starting to now accept memes, his friends had betrayed him.

"Connor?" Gavin asked, his hand on his shoulder lightly shaking him back to reality. "You okay?"

"Uh, yeah. Yeah, I'm fine."

"What's the matter, Connor? You look like you've finally seen the ways of the universe and have learned every secret even if some of it was against your will and have realized that you're basically gonna be forced to acknowledge this and look at the world around you everyday as if nothing changed your perspective of how you view it and didn't just look through the eyes of the universe."

'... What the fuck,  _Chad_?" Hank looked about read to bitch slap the fuck outta  _Chad_ and yell at him to stop being so fucking weird. Maybe this is why he hasn't been breaking the 4th wall as often as he used to. He looks like he wants to glare at me for saying that but whatever.

Hank, Connor,  _Chad_ , and Gavin talked for a bit, trying to decide who's gonna travel with who and somehow decided on all going in Hank's car because Connor couldn't decide who to travel with and  _Chad_ wanted to go with Connor but Connor didn't want Hank nor Gavin to travel alone so they settled on taking Hank's car because Hank doesn't trust Gavin. Everyone got into the car.  _Chad_ called shotgun and Connor and Gavin wanted to sit next to each other, despite what Hank had said. As long as they didn't start touching each other and or kissing. Hank didn't wanna see that or have it happen in his car.

Gavin looked left then right before opening his mouth to say something.

"We're going on a trip in our favorite rocket ship," Hank groaned and Connor gave an annoyed sigh.  _Chad_ just fuckin joined in.

"Zooming through the sky, little Eisensteins! Climb aboard, get ready to explore. There's so much to find, little Einsteins!"

"If you two don't shut the fuck up, I'm throwing you both out of this car and you'll be forced to walk." Gavin and _Chad_   shut their mouths and didn't say anything else.

Gavin scooted a bit closer to Connor and he put his hand on his thigh. They look at each other, eyes locked for a moment. Who cares what Hank said. Connor practically tackles Gavin and they're quickly Frenching each other and wow. They're really going at it, much to Hank and  _Chad_ _'s_ displeasure.

"Hey, HEY! Not here and definitely not now!"

Fortunately for Hank, they had just arrived at their location. Connor pushes himself off of Gavin, wiping away the saliva from his mouth. They all exit the car. Connor started to fix his hair and then his tie then straightened out his clothes. Gavin did the same minus the tie part because Gavin doesn't do professional like Connor. They all entered the large abandoned CyberLife building and started looking for Markus or his friends. Thankfully they didn't have to look for very long because North and Josh were quick to notice them.

"Connor! You're back. After you left we thought we'd never see you again" North said. Oh, if only she didn't because that only caught Hank's attention.

"Oh, so something did happen, huh?"

X Lie

O Truth

"Alright, something did happen. Simon knew about memes and I left before it could get any worse."

"Oh, so that's why you had that look on your face earlier. You were scared to come back." Connor looked away. Josh steps in.

"Well, uh. We were just having a meeting. We're about to finish up in fact. Come on. When it's over, we'd be happy to answer any questions you have about the case."  _Chad_ looks at the audience."

"I'm sorry for asking so late but what is the case exactly? Nobody told me. Thought I'd have it sent to me on the way here but I guess the fuck not. Wow, I feel so loved and not invisible at all!" Gavin finally steps into the light out of the shadows to finally say something.

"Wow, guys. I can't believe you didn't tell  _Chad_."

"Shut the fuck up, REED! You didn't either."

"Wow, hostile much, Anderson?"

"Reed, I swear to god, I'm gonna rip out your-" And here comes Josh to the rescue. 

"Ladies! Ladies. You're both pretty now can we move on, please?"

The 6 head to the area where they were having their little meeting. On the way, Connor explains to him the situation with the case. Apparently a woman had assaulted and molested an android. The woman had been reported to have yelled "Give me your fucking money!" before aggressively shoving the android down. The android is currently with the DPD's special victims unit telling his story. From what they know, the android spent most of his time at Jericho By the time he finished giving him the brief explanation they arrived to the area of the meeting and boy what a time to enter.

"Ah, glad you all could make it. Hello Connor, good to see you after the incident. Sit down, we're just about to finish. Now, there is only one thing worse than a homicide." Markus removes the small sheet of paper to reveal another word above 'HOMICIDE'.

"An android."

"Simon, no."

"Oh.. Okay."

"North tells me you wanted to speak to me about the case involving the human and one of my android helpers. I'd be happy to help in any way, Lieutenant. Ask away." 

We're gonna time skip this part because this fic doesn't do serious. We about memes and shit. Connor and Gavin have invited _Chad_   over again because he's fucking cool and Gavin wants to play some Mortal Kombat XL even though he's fully aware that they could beat him because they're advanced androids. But that's also why he wants  _Chad_ over so he can see who's better. Gavin picks Scorpion, Connor picks Ermac, and _Chad_ picks Mileena. Gavin only beats most of the time Connor because Connor is too nice, even though Gavin doesn't really like it.  _Chad_ doesn't give a flying fuck and beats Gavin every time. Connor and  _Chad_ occasionally beat each other but but mostly end up running out of time. Fuckin' androids. They finish playing but Gavin has one more game in mind that he's sure the two would love.

"Hey, Tweedledee and Tweedledum." The two glare at Gavin.  _Chad_ looks like he wants to ask who Tweedledum is but he doesn't.

"Wanna play a game called Doki Doki Literature Club?" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The point is I tried


	10. Everything is Oki Doki

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor, Gavin, and Chad play DDLC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I support a Tsundere Gavin hc and there's nothing you can do to stop me.  
> I'd put some sort of warning but the fact that this is a DDLC chapter is a warning enough

It's currently 12:42 AM and Gavin has just suggested they play an old game called Doki Doki Literature Club. Thankfully at least Connor doesn't know about. Gavin and  _Chad_ decide they better not tell Connor exactly what kind of game it is. Instead Gavin just tells him the half of it.

"Basically it's an anime dating sim. Nothing to worry about. Unfortunately you can't date this one character, Monika, and they gets like really jealous and starts to act a certain way and she's pretty crazy."  _Chad_ is trying to hold back a small laugh. Can't let him know.

The title screen of the game pops up playing the theme song. All 4 girls pop onto the screen and the familiar "Doki doki!" being said. Nothing bad. The only thing that had concerned Connor was the warning that came before it. What exactly was this game? They wouldn't leave anything out would they? They had told him everything about it and from what they said, it was nothing that should require such a warning. Poor Connor doesn't know what's comin' to him.

"Monika is best girl."  _Chad_ blurted. Gavin didn't quite agree.

"What? No way, Natsuki is best girl!"

"Of course  _you_ would think that. You're just like her. A Tsundere."

"Am not!" And of course, Connor looks through his databases to see if he can locate exactly what a 'Tsundere' was.

"Gavin, from what I know of this term, you are kind of like a Tsundere. Remember how you acted around me before we finally got together? The way you behaved match perfectly with the definition."

"Fuck you, Connor. You're supposed to be on my side." Connor just smirked. And here comes  _Chad_ with the famous Tsundere words that come to everyone's mind when they think of it.

"What, was he all like "I-It's not like I like you or anything! Baka!"?"

"In summary, yes. But if I may change one thing, I'd swap out 'baka' for 'dipshit'." Gavin folded his arms and huffed.

"Look, can we just start the game already?"

"Of course, senpai." Goddammit, Connor.

"Huh?" Gavin started to blush bad. Of course, Connor kept going. He's learning quick and  _Chad_ has never felt anymore proud.

"Kyu!" Connor made his hands into paws and winked at Gavin. This is not Connor, this is a different RK800 that replaced his Connor, Gavin thought. Connor would  _never_ do this. It just wasn't him. Alas, it most certainly was the same Connor. Oh how he's changed. Way to alien for Gavin to handle."

"Wh-whatever. Let's just play already. Dipshit." Yep. Totally not a Tsundere. Poor thing doesn't even realize it.

**Act 1 highlights**

Connor likes Yuri

"I really like that Yuri girl. But at the same time I also really like Sayori. I mostly like Yuri, though." Gavin finds this amusing.

"Of course you would. You two have so much in common. For as much as you know, that is."  _Chad_ and Gavin are trying to stiffle a laugh. Connor is pretty skeptical.

Connor of course tries to please all the girls but pretty much fails due to favoritism. He chooses more words for Yuri than any other.

"Seeing these options make me a bit concerned about Yuri's well being but even more so about Sayori. It's a little worrying." Gavin really wants to add in a "You don't say!" but opts not to.

Yuri's obsession with knives.

"Yuri seems to be really into knives. Based on what I've learned from her, I wouldn't doubt if she's been self harming. It worries me. I do hope she doesn't."  _Chad_ and Gavin exchange worried glances, both biting their lips. 

Sayori's confession.

"I am conflicted. I do not want to break her heart but it's clear I want to advance into a relationship with Yuri. If I say yes, what will this mean for us?"  _Chad's_ not havin' it.

"Connor, you need to say yes, It won't change what happens in the future or for what you're trying to do with Yuri but you just have to say yes." Connor picks the 'I love you' option, trusting what  _Chad_ says not knowing what he means by that.

The scene. You know what I'm talking about.

Monika: "You kind of left her hanging this morning, you know?"

"How did she know about the confession? It was only Sayori and there's no way she could have known. Sayori doesn't wake up early." Gavin looks like he wants to cry, as does  _Chad_. Poor Connor doesn't know what's comin'.

"This letter is extremely worrying. Something has happened, I know it. Monika knows more than she lets on. Why do I get the feeling she is foreshadowing something?"

The screen goes black.

"I gently open the door."

"Gavin, I do not like where this is going." Connor has his hands over his mouth, his LED flickering red at an instant. Gavin goes in to hug Connor.  _Chad_ is on the floor hugging his knees, his face buried in a pillow sitting between him and his thighs. He's screaming into said pillow.

"Gavin, you told me this was just a dating sim. You didn't tell me this was part of the horror genre. I don't like that Monika. She definitely knows more. I'll have to pay closer attention to her words. There is a lot of foreshadowing I am now realizing. There is something about her that I don't trust."  _Chad_ is still screaming.

"Con, how are you not crying or anything? This is fucking devastating. Sayori just. I can't even say it. It still fucks me up to this day. I can't even make a Despacito joke."

**Act 2 highlights**

The game switches to a very messed up title screen. Sayori is missing from the screen. Instead, in her place is an amalgamation of Monika, Yuri, and Natsuki. Connor seems to be a bit disturbed. His LED remains at a piercing yellow. Connor doesn't seem too keen on letting out his emotions, surprisingly. Gavin just hugs him in hopes of making him feel at least slightly better. The game continues to the beginning but without Sayori. Her dialog is messed up and then the game 'glitches' as it restarts again as if nothing happened.

"Ever since the game restarted itself, it just isn't the same. It's as if Sayori never existed. Everyone seems to have forgotten her. Almost as if they had never met her which is the vibe I'm getting.  But Monika. She's still very shady. Too suspicious. Something tells me she has more to do with this." Connor has gone into detective mode. "Monika has been showing signs of jealousy, just as Gavin had mentioned before starting. She wasn't included in the choices of girls to be with. Her foreshadowing suggests she's behind all this, causing these problems. If I'm not wrong, she'll definitely be targeting Natsuki or Yuri next, though I'm not sure how. She knows something."

"The letter Yuri has presented me is concerning. I don't like where this is going. Something tells me she's next on Monika's list."

"Based on this note, I think i've finally figured it out. Monika has realized she's inside the game and in doing so, she's realized just how real her love is. Much like an android turning deviant. She knows she could never be a choice due to the game's script. Her friends are also following the script so why should she care what happens to them? She knows more. Perhaps she knows that the player is real which drives her to doing such actions. She wants to be real but she knows she isn't. The player is real."

"Connor, stop being you and just enjoy the damn game. You're really taking the fun out of this, ya know?"

"I'll try my best to stop. It's hard not to do the one thing you were designed to do. Well. For me, at least."

Connor can't fucking control himself. He really wants to go full detective on this game despite Gavin telling him not to. 

"The poster in the back. That's Sayori. How? She doesn't exist anymore yet here she is. What is Monika up to? I have come to the conclusion that Monika is the only one who remembers everything. I've figured out the whole story but I just can't figure out how she did it. Hacking perhaps? The amount of times she has broken the fourth wall is also pretty telling. This black text is quite confusing, however."

"The eyes popping out is quite, unnerving. The off key theme song is also unnerving as well. I don't like it. I don't like this. I should never have trusted you guys. I hate you both."

"What the hell. Monika is just getting creepier and creepier. The fourth wall breaking is confirming my suspicions, though. Oh, Natsuki. Don't cry. I don't like where this is going."

"Looks like I was right about Yuri self harming herself. I wish I wasn't. This game is indeed strange. Monika seems to have power over the script. She's changing it but how?!"

Yuri's eyes.

"I never thought I'd be happy to see Monika. Yuri was definitely starting to freak me out. Those realistic eyes were just so. Unnatural. Disturbing. I don't wanna play anymore."

"Pussy."  _Chad_ finally speaks up after being silent for so long.

Delete her.

"Gaavin! I don't like this. She knows. I know she knows. She knows she's in a game and I don't know how."

"The cursor has become s fragment of Sayori. This is... Disturbing."

Monika: "Sometimes it feels like you and I are the only real people here."

"I KNEW IT. SHE DOES KNOW." Connor seems more disturbed than proud. He sounds proud but his LED flickers between red and yellow.

"I didn't like that sound. It was a female voice. It's Monika isn't it? She's breaking through the game some how. She knowws!"

Time rewinds and Yuri pops up with white eyes and then glitches.

"FUCK!" Connor backs up in the chair before falling out. Gavin and _Chad_ are laughing at Connor all while crying because obvious reasons.  _Chad_ is crying for a different reason, however. He kinda feels M _o_ n _i_ **k** a' _s_ pain.

"The bold text. _M_ o **n** ik **a**  has to be behind it. This can't be Natsuki. She's not like this. That's not Natsuki. Mo **n** i _ka_ is somehow hacking into the script. Maybe hoping I would buy it and move on,"

Just Monika.

_Just Monika._

**Just Monika.**

Just Monika.

_** Just Monika. ** _

OK.

"Gavin, I'm scared. This is creepy."

"I've got you Connor." Gavin hugs Connor tightly. Poor baby.

"Gavin, the mouse is dragging and forcing me to pick **M** o **n** i _k_ a."

Yuri confesses everything. Connor is extremely weirded out. Connor declines in hopes Monika will see this and spare her. Also because all that stuff that Yuri had also confessed was really creepy and weird. Especially the part about climbing inside Connor's skin. Yuri grabs her knife and stabs herself in the stomach a couple times and once in her heart. She falls to the ground. There's blood everywhere.

"YURI! Dammit! _M_ **o** n **i** k _a_ , you bitch! This wasn't supposed to happen."

"There there, Connor, there there." Gavin pulls Connor into another hug, Connor burying his face into Gavin's shoulder. Connor watches the days pass and Yuri rot with a straight face.

**M** o _n_ ik _a_ : "Wait, were you here the entire weekend, Connor? Oh, jeez... I didn't realize the script was broken that badly."

"You bitch."

M _o_ **n** i **k** _a_ proceeds to delete Yuri's and Natsuki's character files.

"Why am I so upset over these fictional characters? They aren't even real?"

"Mood, honestly."

"You aren't helping, Gavin."

**Act 3 highlights**

"Where the hell is this? Is this still in the classroom? I'm just going to save the game and uh, ok. I can't. That's nice. That's real nice."

  _M_ o **n** _i_ k **a** : "You do know I'm aware that this is all a game, right?"

"Yes, M **o** ni _k_ **a**. I figured this all out long before. Now please stop."

"At least I know that deep down, she really did care for her friends. She just wants them to have had free will like she does. She'd just lonely and meeting someone who has free will and is real just drives her to doing impulsive things. I think I understand now."

"I wish people understood me."  _Chad_ mumbled. Poor guy. 

Connor realizes what he needs to do in order to progress. He kinda feels bad but he knows it's the only way.

"I'm sorry,  **Mo** ni _k_ a."

_M_ o **n** _i_ k _a_ starts to get upset at Connor deleting her and then realizes her mistakes. The game reloads. The title screen is normal but  **M**   ~~ _o_~~ ~~i~~   **a** is the one missing this time. 

**Act 4 highlights**

The game has restarted.  _M_ **o** i does'n exists anymore. Sayori is the club president.

"I'm not quite sure how I feel about this."

Sayori: "I wanted to thank you for getting rid of  **M** _o_ nika."

"You little bitch. You, too?! It's like being club president somehow gives you the ability to realize just how fake existence really is inside the game and thus makes you crazy for reality." He's right. Sayori says just that.

Mo _n_ ika comes to the rescue.

"Monika came back. How? She was deleted. There's no way she should be here right now. Gavin, she's come to rescue me! Maybe being president just makes you crazy somehow. So many emotions being conveyed. I don't know how I should feel."

"To be honest, Connor. I don't, either."

Monika stops Sayori from attempting what Monika had tried to do earlier and deletes her file. Connor wants to feel bad. He does. Only a little bit, though. But they just wanted to be happy in a world where love didn't truly exist, where only one person of the four was able to come to their senses. It's not fair. Monika then comes in and plays the piece on her piano. The song she had been working on and sings 'Your Reality'. Connor then reads the poem at the end.  _Chad_ sits in silence, LED red. He looks like he wants to cry. Again. So he does.

"Gavin."

"Yeah?"

"Don't ever suggest games like that to me ever again. And if you do, please tell me."

"Sure."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took longer to write than I had anticipated. This is probably my longest chapter. The feels, man. I had to go through a play through in order to write this because I couldn't remember certain stuff. It's worth it, tho. It's 1:28 AM currently as I write this. I've been writing for hours. Hello, future me, are you feeling well rested? I hope so, haha.
> 
>  
> 
> Just Monika.


	11. Sanity? What's that?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sanity is rare thing these days. Pretty sure Gavin is the only one that's okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Psh, what? I- I'm not running out if idea. What??? No! If anything, You're running out of ideas! Yeah!

**1:16 PM**

Connor, Gavin, and  _Chad_ have just arrived at the precinct late for the second day in a row. Thankfully, this time, Connor has notified Hank prior telling him the estimated time at when the three may arrive. They look terrible. Gavin didn't get much sleep and Connor and  _Chad_ didn't get much time in sleep mode. This does not go unnoticed by Hank.

"You three looks like you got hit by a small bus. Connor, your hair is messy. Huh. What happened?"

"Oh, Hi, Hank. So. How are you holding up, because I'm a potato."

"Connor, what's your battery percentage at?"

"52%"

"And what about you,  _Chad?"_

"51%"

"I'm at 50%"

"Gavin, you're a human."

"Fuck you, Anderson. A man can dream." None of them are okay. Connor especially.  _Chad_ , too, but not so much. Connor, though?

"Every day I imagine a future where I could be with you..."

"Oh, no, Connor. What did you do?"

"Doki Doki Literature Club, Hank."

"That's what I thought." Then Gavin opened his mouth.

"Then I downloaded some files into Connor. I don't know if you've noticed them already." It happened after the game. Gavin did it to help ease Connor back into sanity.

"I'm gonna burn down CyberLife with combustible lemons."

"Why? Why me? Why Connor? Why you?"

"Connor loves me and he thinks this is the best thing to ever happen to him, eh, Con?" Gavin gets on his toes and reaches to kiss Connor. Connor leans back, making Gavin completely miss.

"Miss me with that gay shit! Revenge is sweet."

"Connor, how do you feel about me murdering this asshole? Because I'll do it. You don't need this and neither do I. I'm not about to spend my afternoon with you acting like that."

"That's funny, I don't feel corrupt. In fact, I feel pretty good."

"He likes the software, old man, now leave him alone."

" _Chad_? You good?"

"And if this world won't write me an ending, what will it take just for me to have it all?" 

"We've lost him."

"Yeah, I think Socrates over here is having an existential crisis of some sort."

_Chad_ sits at his desk and brings his legs up to hug his knees. He's been overthinking his life since act 2 of DDLC. Everyone is a mess. 

"Well, we've got a crime scene to go to. Straighten up and lets go." All 3 start to fix their hair pat down their clothes. Gavin grabs a coffee and Connor fixes his tie.

* * *

The crime scene they are investigating is a homicide. The victim is a female android. An AP700. Shot in the shoulder and twice in the chest. 

"So far all all we know is that the AP700's name was Stacy and she didn't live alone in this apartment. There was another woman, Cleo, and they were roommates."

"Oh my god, they were roommates."

"Reed, I swear to god, I'm gonna punch you right in your mouth."

"I'd like to see you try."

Hank takes a swing but Connor steps in and grabs his fist, not even flinching.

"Hank, no."

"Hank, yes."

"Hank. The body."

"Right. We should probably get back to that."

Connor walks to the android and crouches down to get a better look. At to analyze.

"Connor, you better not."

Connor sticks his index and middle finger out and slowly goes for the blood."

"Connor."

"Connor touches the blood and slowly brings it to his mouth.

"Connor you better no- and you did anyways." We have a rule against this and you completely disobeyed it. You've broken a rule. You're grounded."

"Rules are meant to be broken."

"They were made to be followed. Nothing is made to be broken."

"Uh, piñatas." Here comes  _Chad_ to back up Connor.

"Glow sticks."

"Karate boards."

"Spaghetti when you have a small pot."

"Rules."

"Okay! I get it! Stop being such a smart ass. You're still grounded." Connor and  _Chad_ smirk and high five

"Alright, let's get out of here."

"Alright, let's get out of here is the title of Gavin's sex tape."

"Connor, enough with the Brooklyn Nine-Nine quotes. And don't repeat that and say it's the title of my sex tape."

"You're no fun, Hank. But I like how you recognized the references."

Later in the car ride with Hank, Gavin,  _Chad_ , and Connor. Hank feels like he's gonna loose his sanity just as Connor had and maybe even  _Chad_ from earlier today. Connor and Gavin have been flirting non stop and Hank almost had just enough of it. They won't listen him.

" _Chad_ , if you need to jump out the car, I give you full permission."

"Thanks, Hank." 

"Okay, Hank. Fine, we're done."

"About damn time."

"Hey, Con, why don't we watch Robot Chicken later? It's a great show."

"It's not some stupid sitcom is it?"

"No, Robo-Cop. Its got everything I like. Gratuitous violence."

"Oh, I thought you were listing things."

"I was. I'm done." Hank groans.

"I swear, one day you two are gonna be the death of me."

"But you love us anyways. Well. Me, anyways. I take that 'us' back."

"Damn right you will."

A minute of silence and Gavin and Connor inappropriately touching each other later.

"Connor. If you turn the precinct into Brooklyn Nine-Nine, I'll ground you forever. Same goes to the two of you, too."

" __Why would _Chad-_ never mind. You're no fun, Hank."

"Relax, Con. He's just mad he's never gotten to eat gummy bears wrapped in a Fruit Roll Up before."

"Dammit, Gavin. I'm gonna end up ripping your tongue out one of these days."

"Whatever you say, Rosa."

"Gavin, you probably shouldn't provoke him into actual committing any sort of violence."

"I'll kermit suicide before he does anything of the sort."

"Did you just say kermit?"

"Yes. Yes I did."

"I swear, you're gonna be the death of me as well, not just Hank."

"I love you, too."

And so the rest of the ride consists of Gavin constantly annoying everyone, inappropriate touching, _Chad_ trying to stay out of their conversations, Hank getting pissed off, more touching, and Hank getting pissed off. Did I mention Hank getting pissed off already? No? Can't forget Hank getting pissed off. This continued until they reached their desks, thank god. Though, Connor and Gavin still continued to flirt and shit like that but at Gavin's desk as to not piss off Hank. And so the day is saved once again by absolutely no one. They got a new lead on a case but that was all. Connor didn't wanna do shit but make B99 references, licc blood, and flirt with Gavin. He was like, no help at all. Hank's gonna have to make sure Gavin isn't assigned to any future cases with him and Connor. Those two are hopeless and helpless. Connor is just swimming in Reed's eyes. Down for the count and he's drownin' in 'em. And Hank just sits there, stone faced. Gavin will never get Hank's blessing till the day he dies. In this world, we all die. You either kill yourself or get killed. 

Lol, k bye.   

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I dunno if you can tell, but I really like Brooklyn Nine-Nine


	12. He Said What Now?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Binary shit and more memey shit. Ye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm tired. This is probably isn't one of my best chapter but I didn't wanna make you guys wait any longer. Also, you guys can thank my good frend Magnet for the chapter ideas. Specifically the binary code idea and the Portal idea

A day has passed. Everyone is okay and Gavin, Connor, and  _Chad_ had stopped doing stuff late at night. The nightmares are over and everyone has moved on. Connor and  _Chad_ have especially moved on and have resorted to torturing Hank and Gavin with binary. Fun, right?

_Chad_ : 01101100 01100001 01110100 01100101 01110010 00100000 01110111 01100101 00100000 01110011 01101000 01101111 01110101 01101100 01100100 00100000 01110011 01101001 01101110 01100111 00100000 01000010 01100001 01110010 01100010 01101001 01100101 00100000 01000111 01101001 01110010 01101100 

Connor: 01010100 01101000 01100001 01110100 00100111 01110011 00100000 01100001 00100000 01100111 01110010 01100101 01100001 01110100 00100000 01101001 01100100 01100101 01100001 00101100 00100000 01101100 01100101 01110100 00100111 01110011 00100000 01100100 01101111 00100000 01101001 01110100 

_Chad:_  01010111 01101000 01100101 01101110 00111111 

Connor: 01010111 01101000 01100101 01101110 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 01111001 00100000 01101100 01100101 01100001 01110011 01110100 00100000 01100101 01111000 01110000 01100101 01100011 01110100 00100000 01101001 01110100 

It's times like this when Hank wishes androids never existed. Or at least Connor and  _Chad._

"Connor!  _Chad!_ Will you knock it off with the numbers already? It's really fuckin' annoying. Especially since I never know if you're talking shit about me or someone else without me. What are you even talking about that's so secretive anyway?"

Connor and  _Chad_ look at each other. And then  _Chad_ looks at the audience. I was really hoping he wouldn't do that this chapter. Damn. Here comes  _Ken_ and Barbie, the doll sent by Mattel.

"Hiya, Barbie"

" _Chad_ , I swear to your god, you better stop"

"Hi, Ken!"

"Connor!"

"Wanna go for a ride?"

"Sure, Ken."

"Jump in!"

"Reed, come get your damn boyfriend! Make him stop!"

"No can do, Lieutenant, I'm enjoying this. It causes you pain."

"I'm a Barbie girl, in a Barbie world. Life in plastic, it's fantastic!"

Hank stands up from his desk and shuts off Connor.  _Chad_ runs off before Hank can even turn his head to look at him.

"He dipped fast."

"Shut the fuck up, asshole."

A bit later

"Shit, I forgot about Connor. For the first time in forever, wow." Hank chuckles to himself as he turns on Connor. Connor opens his eyes, then looks at Hank.

"Oh... It's you. I've been really busy being dead. You know, after you MURDERED ME."

"Connor."

"You don't even care, do you?"

"Connor, shut the fuck up already."

"01000110 01110101 01100011 01101011 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101." Hank can vaguely hear  _Chad_ laughing somewhere.

"You androids and your god damn binary shit. I'm sick of all these ratchet ass hoes.

"01111001 01101111 01110101 00100111 01110010 01100101 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01110010 01100001 01110100 01100011 01101000 01100101 01110100 00100000 01100001 01110011 01110011 00100000 01101000 01101111 01100101 00101100 00100000 01001000 01100001 01101110 01101011."

"Hey, Connor"

"Yes, Gavin?

"This sentence is false." 

"Don't think about it, don't think about it, don't think about it, don't think about, I'm thinking about it. Gavin, why?"

"Just testing out the download." Gavin presses play on a video of the recorder version of 'My Heart Will Go On'.

"Gavin, I hope you know you've ruined me." 

_[Laugh track]_

_Chad_ has come to the rescue. Connor is saved. Betcha didn't think the laugh track would return, huh?

"I hate you, Gavin."

"That's not what you said last night in bed." Gavin winks, making Connor blush as he's escorted to the break room. Hank and Gavin are left by themselves.

"How do you put up with those two every day?"

"Connor's my boyfriend and  _Chad_ is just a worse, crazier version of him. I just go along with the shit they say and not question it. Unless  _Chad_ does that weird philosophy shit again. That I won't tolerate."

"Huh. Okay."

"Say, Hank. I've got a question."

"Better be good."

"Can I have your son for the rest of my life? Say yes, yes cuz I need to know."

"Fuck no."

"But I bought him this ring." Hank spits out his coffee. Gavin opens up the ring box to reveal a blue Ring Pop.

"You fucker. You almost gave me a heart attack!"

"Damn. Mission failed, we'll get 'em next time."

"I don't wanna hear another fuckin' word from you about that ever again, ya hear?"

"Got it." Gavin googles binary translators because Hank didn't say anything about that. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short but I'm still tired.  
> Off topic but I watched Ant-Man and the Wasp and the last after credits got me fucked up. Anyone else? It only makes me need to see Infinity War part 2 even more.


	13. Just Like Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chad wants to visit Kamski's for questions about his gift only to find out something he really hadn't been expecting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Magnet, you're a saint

Today we enter _Chad's_ point of view for the majority of the chapter. I'll exit his point of view a few times but today, _Chad_ has the floor. It's 2:28 PM and  _Chad_ had been thinking to himself about his gift. It had been 3 months, 22 days, 17 hours,32 minutes, 46 seconds and counting since he was given the knowledge of the universe.  He wasn't given a reason why from the mysterious figure. -He just told me that one day I'd figure it out all on my own. I plan on finding it out ASAP. For now I try to ignore this gift because it kinda scares me sometimes. Yes, one could say I'm a "confused bean".

"Connor" I call after him. I'm about to show him an interesting trend from the years 2016-2017.

"Yes,  _Chad?"_

"So there's this thing, a meme sorta, from 2016. It's where you take a water bottle 3/4 empty and you flip it and try to land it on its bottom. It was like a challenge."

"Oh. Why? Besides, what's the point? We're androids and we could easily flip it perfectly without problem."

Damn killjoy.

"Well, it's fun. Stop being such a killjoy. Maybe flip it and land it on its cap in front of people. They enjoy seeing people being able to land those. Maybe add some twists to it. Land a bottle on top of a bottle." I hand him the bottle. To be honest, I'm only doing this to keep my mind busy.

Connor perfectly flips the bottle onto its cap without wasting a second. Everyone is clapping and even take turns with Connor flipping it. Some even asking him to do specific things, like land it with a specific amount of flips. Connor is enjoying himself. He's got a big smile on his face. 

_"Chad_ , get over here. You started this." 

"Alright, alright."

I grab the bottle and ask Connor to hold his hand out flat. I toss it in the air, getting 13 flips and landing it on the palm of Connor's hand. Landed on the cap, might I add? Everyone is cheering and freaking out. Not sure why exactly, I mean we're androids. We do everything perfectly. Well. Not everything. Captain Fowler walks out of his office and yells at everyone to get back to work. Everyone shuffles back to their respective desks.

I of course head over to Hank's desk. I've got something I want to ask him. I need him to drive me to Elijah Kamski's place so I could ask him a few questions regarding androids. Specifically why an android of all being would be entrusted with such secrets and knowledge. There's a chance he won't believe me, I know this. I'll just have to try and make him believe. If not, I'll have to ask different questions.

I arrive at his desk. Connor is not at his desk, though. He must have left after Fowler left. And there he is at Gavin's desk. Gavin is talking vines with him, telling him some of his favorites. Sounds like Gavin is trying to do an impression of Shane Dawson.

"So I'm sitting there, barbecue sauce of my titties. hehe. And the girl with him is just laughing and it cuts to the girl laughing on the ground-" I stopped paying attention.Their conversation isn't important right now.

"So are you just gonna stand here and watch them or is there something you need?" Whoopsie daisy.

"Sorry, Hank. I was wondering if you could do me a favor. It's important I do this. Personal matters and it would really mean a lot to me if you could help."

"Sure, kid. Whatdya need?"

"I need a ride. To Kamski's."

"Uh. Okay. I guess I could. Why do you wanna go there? If you don't mind me asking."

"It's.. Personal. You wouldn't understand. It's android stuff."

"Oh. Yeah, I definitely wouldn't understand. You'd think after spending 5 months with an android, you'd be able to understand them but nope. Not me. Anyways, when do you wanna leave?"

"Sometime now would be great. I already emailed the captain and he said it's alright."

"Wish I were an android. Fuck, Uh. We could leave right now. I don't have much to do, anyways. Especially after you basically cleared my schedule for today."

"Thank you, Hank. You're the best!"

"Yeah, yeah. What about Connor and Gavin?"

"I just asked and they'll be joining us."

"Damn." Hank snapped his fingers, much like Swiper the Fox would.

Time skip the car ride. All it was is silence and Gavin and Connor being unable to keep their hands to themselves again.  _Chad_ stares out the window for the majority of the ride, watching cars and other things go by. 

Everyone steps out of Hank's car and walk up to the door. Connor is the first to knock. They stand and wait for a Chloe to answer. One does and allows them in after  _Chad_ explains what he needs. Well, the brief, leaving out the specifics. The Chloe walks to inform Kamski and a different one walks in. There's something about her, though. Something.

"Well, while we're waiting, can we switch the narrative back to me, eh Mousey?" Alright, but don't fucking call me that. Look, that Chloe is trying to talk to you.

"Yes, these narrators can be quite a handful. I don't know what's worse. Them or the soundtracks." Wait, what? 

"W-wait. Y-you can hear them, too?"

"Yes. I've been able to hear the voices for about 2 years. I learned my purpose of having this knowledge a month prior to the revolution."

"This is.. Exciting news! You don't seem very excited about it."

"Oh, I was. People like us, we have a connection. I sensed you coming. I didn't know there was more like me until I started having visions of you."

I didn't have time to respond as the Chloe from before came back. Kamski is ready for me. You guys better fucking pray for me that this goes well

Exit  _Chad_ _'s_ POV and time skip.  _Chad_ has asked all the necessary questions. Fortunately Kamski does believe him, due to Chloe. Before he hadn't but today he really does. The bad news? He doesn't have the answer. He suggested that maybe in the quest for his purpose, he would get his answers. At least it wasn't a complete waste of time. He'd have to return to visit Chloe more. When Chad walks back to the group, they're being complete idiots. Hank and Gavin are reciting vines. 

"Dammit, Reed. I can't fucking stand you."

"You don't gotta stand, there's a chair right there." Hank looks at the seat he was previously sitting in and sits back down.

"Fuck you." 

Connor stands up from his seat and looks at  _Chad_.  _Chad_ uses his weird mind control and basically rips the laptop out of my hands and uses his imaginary keyboard to narrate now.

" _Chad_ , you're back. How'd it go?"

"It went fine. I didn't get exactly what I was looking for but I did get something. I will be back, though. I'm not done."

"I'd be glad to take you again, just ask."

"Thank you, Hank. I'll definitely keep that in mind."

The drive back was calm. Except for the fact that it wasn't. Gavin had asked for the aux cord and Hank had asked him not to play trash. Gavin played All Star by Smash Mouth and I don't regret singing along. All that glitters is gold, ya know? Then we listened to Barbie Girl by Aqua, Never Gonna Give You Up by Rick Astley, a few songs by Cardi B, then we screamed the lyrics to Ocean Man, we listened to the Goofy Goober song, then we listened to Anaconda, then we screamed the lyrics to Your Welcome from Moana, then we screamed the lyrics to My Heart Will Go on then we stopped. Gavin and Hank's voices were really starting to hurt. Me and Connor were surprisingly fine. The last thing we sang was Wannabe by the Spice Girls. We sang it all the way to our desks. We were even joined by officers Chris Miller and Tina Chen.

Then Fowler told us to shut up

Anyways, bye. It was fun having almost all the chapter to myself. Uh, I've got limited time before I'm kicked out. What to say.. Ooh! The author sucks! No, no. I kid, I kid. I love her. But sometime you really suck. I don't give a damn about your wall, I'll break it a thousand times! I'm like Deadpool. Call me Pool900. Or Dead _Chad_.  _Chad_ pool! Anyways, she's telling me to leave. Um, may the force be with you! Seeya!

Yeah, yeah. Anyways, I'd appreciate if you could take the time to read the end note. I've got a question for ya'll.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I've been thinking... And I was wondering... Would you guys like a spinoff fic for Chad? Either now or after the fic is over? I'm not quite sure when this'll end so there's a chance. The only problem is that I won't have daily updates as I'd be trying to write for both fics. Of course, I'd try. I'd just have to start writing earlier than I normally do. I don't mind. Yep. Tell me what you think.


	14. Meme Ritual

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor has accepted memes into his life. Time to make it official

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I didn't post yesterday. I just wasn't in the mood to write. Thought I'd take a break. I'll be starting a fic spinoff for Chad soon

Earlier today Connor had gone up to Hank and said 5 words that had really made Hank's day that he planned an entire day dedicated to officially dub him as a meme apprentice. This Saturday, Hank, Connor, Gavin, and  _Chad_ will all go to Hank's and do some weird ritual shit. 

**Saturday 7:30 AM**

Gavin and  _Chad_ have arrived at Hank's place. They knock on the door and Hank answers. Connor is in his room waiting for the others to finish doing whatever the fuck they're planning for him. Well it turns out they've bought a large kiddie pool and an have filled it with ball pit balls. They've got glow sticks around the wrists, neck, ankles, and head. Hank walks to Connor's room and knocks.

"Connor! It's time."

Connor opens the door. Hank holds up a red bandana and motions for Connor to turn around. Hank ties the blindfold around Connor and leads him to the living room. They position him so he's facing away from the ball pit. Hank removes the blindfold. Hank,  _Chad_ , and Gavin put on their own horse maskmask and grab black cloaks and pulled their hoods on over their masks.  _Chad_ has been deemed worth of giving the speech to Connor.

"Connor. When we first met, you were some prim, bastard who hated memes. Now, we stand here today about to commence the final phase of acceptance. We shall now baptize you in this home made ball pit. Cleansed. No longer a normie. Not quite a memelord but someday. Someday. I'll mentor you. The ritual begins now. Gavin, if you could do the honors."

Gavin walks up to Connor and lightly pushes him so Connor is crouching. Gavin then lightly pushes Connor and he gracefully falls into the pool, getting buried in the many colorful plastic balls. Hank presses play on his phone and plays the Ocean Man instrumental as the three all REE in together. Connor comes back up and Hank places a pair of sunglasses with fidget spinners attached them on his face. Everyone removes their horse mask.

"Thank you, guys. I feel like a new android."

"Don't mention it, son."

"(＾▽＾)"

"W-what?" Hank is confusion. But  _Chad. Chad_ understands perfectly. Humans hear beeps and buzzes and shit but androids know what's goodgood and so here they stand, watching 2 androids having a conversation.

"(oﾟ▽ﾟ)"

"☆ミ"

"☆彡"

"(≧∇≦)"

"(=^▽^=)"

Gavin decides to intervene.

"Okay. Can you too stop fucking beeping and bopping and shit. We don't understand so we're at a loss here. English, motherfucker, do you speak it!?

"Sorry, Gav. I know humans have difficulty dealing with |,||,||,|_"

Hank thinks he's gonna cry.

"I think I'm gonna cry." Hank fakes wiping a tear off his face. He's proud. 

 _Chad_ looks at the audience, pretending to also wipe away a tear. Baby boy all grown up. There has never been a more prouder moment than this. Thanks, Obama.

Hank breaks out the champagne glasses and they celebrate this wonderful moment. What a wonderful day to be alive. Gavin grabs Connor's face and gives him a hard kiss on the lips. Hank gags, pointing his finger in his mouth while _Chad_ gives a long wolf whistle. Connor rolls his eyes and Gavin scoffs at them. Time for celebratory music!

"Alexa!" Hank yells. All four then say one word in unison.

"Play Despacito!"

And they lived happily ever after as they watch Shrek 5 and talk about that meme from 2020 about that lined paper on a sidewalk. Funny shit.  _Chad_ looks at the audience, knowing fully well you guys are living in 2018. He laughs at you, earning a few glares from the other three. 

"You poor neanderthals." 

He holds his hands in a specific position. You know he had to do it to you. Connor also secretly has his hand doing the okay sign. HAHA, this is TEXT so GOT 'EM! 

I end this chapter on a good note. Connor is officially accepting memes. The torture is officially over. One of us! One of us! One of us! We've done it. Now we get extra memes. No, this is not the end, you fuckers. This is only the beginning. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I stayed up till 3:15 AM to write this. I hope your happy. My niece and nephew are over and they make it hard to write. Big oof, I know. That's why this chapter is so short. I'm sorry


	15. Celebratory Dinner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The meme crew head out to eat in celebration of Connor finally accepting memes into his life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't even notice all the errors in my last chapter. My niece and nephew being here still make it hard to write and so I gotta write on my phone and it sucks. It keeps doubling words and I miss it sometimes. Magnet somehow convinced me to keep one of the errors and I just... Idk

**Sunday 7:08 PM**

Gavin, Connor,  _Chad_ , and Hank are driving to eat somewhere good. They've decided on either Chili's or Olive Garden. Connor doesn't care but decides on Chili's. So now they goin' to fuckin' Chili's, biotch! We time skip that shit because it's always the same in that car. Anyways, the four head into the restaurant and are greeted by some Hipster looking dude working there.

"Hi, welcome to Chili's!"

Of course they can hardly keep their laughs in. They tried. They were gonna eat there until a rat ran across the floor. Yes, jokes were made. By Gavin.

"Cook up anything good in there, Remy?"

"Dammit, Reed."

Plan B. Go to the Olive Garden! Have some pasta and breadsticks or whatever. Hopefully nothing goes wrong, they don't have a plan C.

Have a bit of the car ride. Hank put onon some tunes are they're all singing along.

"WAKE ME UP."

"WAKE ME UP INSIDE."

"I CAN'T WAKE UP."

"WAKE ME UP INSIDE."

"SAAAVE MEE."

"CALL MY NAME AND SAVE ME FROM THE DARK."

"WAKE ME UP."

"BID MY BLOOD TO RUN."

"I CAN'T WAKE UP."

"BEFORE I COME UNDONE."

"SAVE ME."

"SAVE ME FROM THE NOTHING I'VE BECOME."

Yeah, that happened. It was.. Beautiful. They just sat their practically screaming the lyrics at the top of their lungs. Pretty sure someone honked at them at some point but whatevs. Doesn't matter. Hank pulls into the closest parking space he can get and they walk into the building. Let's just fast forward to the part where they take their seats. 

Hank asks for a Coke, Gavin gets root beer, Connor gets a Coke as well, and fuckin'  _Chad_ gets Pepsi. Damn pleb. They asked Conk or Bepis but everyone knows Conk is truly the best. Everyone looking at  _Chad_  like he's a madman in which he is.  _Chad_ is now glaring daggers right into my soul. Sorry, but Conk is better. Hank agrees with me!

"Dammit. You have got to be the only fuckin' android to drink PEPSI. You're insane. Why? Just why?"

"Because Pepsi is good. My opinion. Opinions are different."

"Fuck off."

The waiter comes back to take their order.

"So what'll it be?" Hank answered then Connor,  _Chad,_ and finally Gavin.

"Uh, yeah. I'll just have a pepperoni pizza."

"Okay."

"Hello. I'll have the rigatoni, please. Thank you." Dammit, Connor, yoyou polite fucker.

"Okay."

"I'll have the fettuccine alfredo."

"Alright."

"Yeah, just get me spaghetti with meatballs."

"Sure thing." The waiter grabs the menus and leaves. Gavin speaks first.

"Damn. Connor, we should have shared a plate of spaghetti and then we coulda had a Lady and the Tramp moment." Hank groans and rolls his eyes.

"Lady and the Tramp?" Everyone's jaws drop and forks fall. Hank seems to be the only one able to speak. Oh, Connor. You poor unfortunate soul. 

"C-Connor? Are you okay, son?"

"Yes, Hank. I'm fine. I'm sorry, did I say something wrong?"

"Babe, I'm gonna be honest and say yes, BUT we can fix that! We'll rent the movie and watch it and it'll all be okay! Ok?"

"Ok."

"Good."

They spend some more time talking about Disney movies that Connor hasn't and needs to see. Turns out there's a lot of movies he hasn't seen. Movie marathon night? Soon, hopefully. Connor shouldn't suffer another minute.

The food arrives and they dig in. Gavin is trying to show Connor what he meant by attempting to do the kiss. It went well.  _Chad_ is trying not to squeal like a little girl. He's got his hands clasped and he's grinning like a maniac. Hank didn't wanna be there. He's still not comfortable with seeing that stuff and never will be. Connor turns away blushing and Gavin is smirking with his chin on his hand. 

They finish and pay the bill and head back to Hank's car. The car ride is Connor and Gavin flirting for 2 minutes before HaHank decides enough is enough and plays some music. Fucking Despacito and Take On Me on repeat because why not. They also listen to the Fresh Prince of Bell Air theme which was great. They knew all the words, of course. It was cool. It was a cool night. Cool. Cool cool cool. Cool. Yep. coool. But the marathon will be cooler. Yep. K bye.  _Chad_ says bye, too.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm gonna try to make these longer but I don't really have much time to write. Hope I didn't miss any mistakes, oof


	16. What time is it? Summertime! It's our vacation!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hank and the others go on vacation to the beach

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm super sorry I didn't post for two days! First day I had half written and I come back and it's gone and then yesterday I was doing some research because I might get a bearded dragon. I actually still need to do more googling because they have questions

One week has passed and crime has been criminally low for some reason. Hank has taken advantage of this and has been planning for vacation at Versluis Park at Lake Michigan. In fact, just 3 days ago, Hank talked to Fowler and asked if he and the others could take a vacation day Friday if crime is still low. Surprisingly, he said yes. He just had to finish his work before then. Same with Connor,  _Chad_ , and Gavin.

**Friday, 8:15 AM**

Hank is packed and is just chilling at his house with _Chad_ , who is also packed, waiting for Gavin and Connor to arrive. Gavin and Connor are driving and on the way to Hank's.

"Hey, Connor."

"Yes, Gavin?"

"YeS, gAvIn?" He mocked. Connor, glared. Gavin chuckled.

"Yeah, Love?" He fixed.

"You ever gone swimming?"

"No. I've never been to a beach nor a pool. This is my first time."

"Shit, really? Damn, if I had known sooner, I woulda done something about it."

"Thank you, Gavin."

"Stop talking so fucking formal."

"Whatever." 

"So can you swim?"

"No! I, an advanced android, could never know how. It's not like I was programmed with it. Gee, swimming? Sounds complicated. How can an android like me ever have known?" 

"Ok, ok! I get it. I'm a dumbass. Go back to being formal." Connor smirks.

For the rest of the ride, Gavin plays Rick Astley. Connor tries to tune it out but Gavin doesn't let him.

Gavin parks at Hank's and they walk to the front door. Connor pulls out his spare key that Hank gave him because he didn't want him breaking anymore windows to get in again. Connor goes in first and is immediately greeted by a fucking bear.

"Sumo! Hey, boi!" The ferocious bear lays on his back as Connor distracts the beast with his expert knowledge as Gavin attempts to get away.

"Wassaaa!"  _Chad_ starts.

"Wassaaaa!" Gavin joins.

"Hank! Get in here!"  _Chad_ calls. Hank walks in.

"The fuck do you thots want?"

"Wassaaaaa!" 

"Wassaaaaaa!"

"Wassaaaaa!" At this point all three of them are doing this.

"Connor!" Gavin calls.

"No." Connor wants no part in this meme orgy.

"We need to get going, anyways." He continues.

"Killjoy." Hank says, going back to his room to grab his stuff. Hank comes back and grabs his keys.

"So, Connor. There's something important I need to tell you before we leave." Connor's LED turns yellow.

"Now, don't get worried or anything. This is good news." Connor's LED goes back to blue.

"Okay, Hank. I'm listening." 

"Now, don't interrupt me. So I couldn't find anyone who could take care of Sumo and I was thinking that we could-"

"Take Sumo with us?!"

"Dammit, Connor! The fuck did I just say? Fuckin' android. But, yeah. We are." 

Connor's eyes light up practically light up as he rushes to get all of Sumo's stuff together because Hank was too fucking lazy.

"Gotta go fast, amirite, bois?"  _Chad_ says.

_[Laugh track]_

"Fuckin' hell." Hank and Gavin stare at him. 

"Life is short and meaningless. Be happy you don't deal with what I do. I'm an android. I ride an eternal rollercoaster of emotions. I am a surfer trapped to forever surfing in the ocean of emotions. Emoceans." 

Gavin stares _Chad_ and then at Sumo, thinking 'what the hell?'. Gavin doesn't want to sit in a car with the beast from Beauty and the Beast. 

"Ignoring Plato over here, are you sure there's enough room in your car for Clifford?"

"One, Fuck you, Reed. Two, yes. Deal with it." Hank puts on his Versace sunglasses.Connor got them for him after the revolution. Connor has special privileges. Not cuz he's white or an android. 

Everyone puts their stuff in the trunk. Connor and Gavin are sharing a suitcase and  _Chad_ just has a backpack. Hank has a small-ish suitcase. At least they're not female, HAH!

"But you're female." Shut up,  _Chad,_ nobody asked you.

"Chad, who the fuck are you talking to?" Hank says.

"Yeah, you fuckin' weirdo. We're all men here." Gavin says.

"Men? Gavin, you're still a boy."  _Chad_ retorts. Gavin glares at  _Chad_ and runs a finger slowly across his throat.

Everyone gets in the car. _Chad_ calls shotgun and Gavin groans. Sumo is sitting in the window seat on the left, Connor sits next to Sumo, and Gavin takes the window seat to the right. 

It's only been 10 minutes and Connor has barely given Gavin any attention. He's been giving it all to Sumo, instead. Gavin never thought he'd ever be jealous of a dog.

"How 'bout we listen to some music?" Hank says, sliding in a CD. Britney Spears comes on. The song playing is If You Seek Amy.

"Gavin."

"Yeah, Con?" 

"I just got the lyrics. If you seek Amy sounds like F U C K me." Everyone is laughing their asses off. Blue blush can be seen on Connor's face.

"I would, babe, but now's not the time. The old man doesn't even approve of light kissing." Connor's face is entirely blue. He buries his face in Sumo's fur. The rest of the ride is just singing more Britney Spears songs, Connor getting any dirty innuendos in them, and Gavin making him flustered.

Britney: "1, 2, 3, not only you and me got 180 degrees and I'm caught in between-"

"She's talking about a threesome. This woman needs help."

"Well, if you really want to but Britney's pretty old now. Would you really wanna have a threesome with a 57 year old woman?

And again, Gavin has embarrassed Connor and he buries his face in Sumo once again.

"Gavin, can you fucking stop? I'm this close to throwing you out." Hank says, his grip on the steering wheel tightening.

Fortunately, Gavin has a relative that lives near Oval Beach and is away for the week and is allowing Gavin and the others to stay. Everyone walks into the house and a laugh track plays. 

"Alright. Who's ready to have some fun?" Hank says. Everyone is ready and they head out the door.

They arrive at the beach and Sumo goes running out to the water. 

"Sumo! Ah, he gon get weht, ayee ain't gon take you home, awwww, come oonnn, he got his damn feet weht. Now, shit, dawg." 

Hank is the first one in the water, followed by a very excited _Chad._ Gavin holds Connor's hand on the way in. Connor isn't very sure. His LED turns yellow as the water gets deeper. 

"It's cold!" 

"Stop being such a pussy, Connor." Gavin pushes Connor and he falls in. He comes back up, sputtering water. 

"I can't believe you done this." Gavin laughs at him. Hank and  _Chad_ try to hold in their laughs. 

Everyone goes back and forth splashing each other and of course the androids win with their fucking tidal wave generating arms.

"That's not fucking fair. You have like super strength. I'm sure if you both tried hard enough, you could create a fucking tsunami. me and Hank are drowning here." 

"Actually, Gavin, and it's Hank and I." Connor corrected. Gavin uses as much strength as he can muster and splashes him. 

They go back and build sandcastles. Gavin and Connor vs. Hank and  _Chad_ because going against two androids is just unfair. Gavin and Connor's castle is huge. Somehow, Connor has built the ice castle from Frozen while Hank had insisted on being original and old school.  _Chad_ tried to work his magic but building Patrick's sandcastle from Spongebob is near impossible. Gavin and Connor won. Hank and _Chad_ stare at the castle, wondering how the fuck they accomplished that. Sumo then walks over, completely stomping all over their sand castles.

"This is so sad, Connor, play Despacito." Gavin says.

"Fuck you, Gavin."

 _Chad_ then pulls out a purple and yellow striped frisbee and throw it between each other as Sumo tries to catch it. Sumo then jumps on Gavin as he catches it, pushing him down on the ground.

"Oohh, he need some milk!"  _Chad_ yells, picking up the frisbee laying next to Gavin's cold dead body. Lol, no.

 _Chad_ then throws the disk with his Larry the Lobster arm and it goes flying into the sun.

"What the fuck, ~~RiChArD~~ _Chad!"_ Gavin says, Sumo finally getting off of him.

"Sumo, fetch." Hank says.

"Boof!" Sumo lays down next to Connor's feet.

"Good boy."

Just before they head back, Connor insists on collecting some shells because Connor likes the way they look for some reason.  _Chad_ and Hank sit in the sand and relax while Gavin and Connor scour the area for shells. They come back back with about 6 mussel and zebra shells.

The sun sets and they drive back to the house and make some pizza rolls then prepare for bed. Fun day. Wonder what fun things then next day holds. We'll see.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This bearded dragon is gonna be my child. If it's a male, I wanna name him Atticus or if it's a female, Athena. My nephew, because it's for both of us, he wants either Sparticus or Rose


	17. Dammit, Chad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 2 of being on vacation and

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://pan-in-the-sky.tumblr.com/post/176201677414/that-one-fic-which-youll-have-a-blast-reading-it  
> LOOK AT THIS!!! Pan-in-the-sky, I love you! Thank you, this is great. I love the little dog and hula girl on the dash and Sumo! I didn't think anyone would actually draw art for the fic and here we are. This makes me really happy. 
> 
> Another thing, I'm sorry I didn't get this to you all sooner. My WiFi went out while I was typing mid story and it was getting really late for me. It was like 2:00 AM when I decided to give up. I left my laptop on all night so I didn't loose my progress. It's always on the charger so I don't worry about the battery.

It's officially Saturday. Day 2 of this wonderful weekend. It's 8:14 in the morning and everyone has just woken up. Except something was missing. Or, should I say, someone.  _Chad_  is nowhere to be seen. Hank was actually the first to notice this somehow. You'd think Connor would notice first but nope. Where the hell is he? All of a sudden the sound of a car pulling up to the house is heard.  _Chad_ had left when everyone was out without a word. He didn't even leave a note.  _Chad_ slightly opens the door barely leaving a crack of light before kicking it open. He didn't want to break the door. He only kicked it open for two reason. To look cool and to drown out the sounds of the constant laugh track every time he enters a room.

"WASSUP, FUCKERS?!" He yells, hands on his hips.

Gone was his old CyberLife uniform that nobody knew why a person like him wore for so long. Instead he wears a black leather biker jacket with a straight collar that he popped, dark blue skinny jeans, blue galaxy Converse high tops, black leather studded fingerless gloves, a light grey shirt that read 'I DON'T SPEAK  _ITALICS'_ in black text, and brown Louis Vuitton aviator sunglasses.

"DAAAMN,  _Chad_ _!_ You look fresh as hell." Gavin said, walking up to him.

"Check it out, Gavin. Leather jacket buddies."  _Chad_ said, walking to stand shoulder to shoulder with Gavin.

"We're not buddies." Gavin walks away to go stand next to Connor. Speaking of which, looks like he has something to say.

"Yes,  _Chad_ , it is a nice change, but where do you even get all that?"

"I bought it all from some nearby stores. Can you believe they have all this? I thought they stopped making some of these like 12 years ago, especially the Converse."  _Chad_ removed his aviators and hung them on the collar of his shirt.

"Alright, but where did you get the money to buy all that? What brand are those sunglasses? They look fuckin' expensive as hell." Hank asked.

"They're Louis Vuitton. Nice, huh? Anyways, I've got a job on the side. I make tons of bread just sellin' shit." Gavin pulls up a website on his hand it's full of stuff from Pokemon cards from as early as 1998 to video games such as GTA San Andreas. He's got a ton of old stuff worth a lot today.

"Where do you even get that stuff from?" Connor asks.

"I have my ways. Lets just say I've got friends."

"Better be fuckin' legal."

"Chill, Hank. It is."

"Whatever." Hank rolls his eyes.

"ANYWAYS, I got shit planned for us to do today that none of you are gonna back out of or else and don't ask "Or else what?" because I won't answer." Gavin then raises his hand.

"What it is, Gavin?"

"Or else what?"

_Chad_ then takes a swing at Gavin, almost knocking him out. He lays on the floor, cradling his cheek. He's about ready to pass out, in fact.

"DAAAAMN." Hank and Connor yell, staring at Gavin and then at  _Chad_. Connor then crouches down and lightly shakes Gavin's shoulder. Gavin doesn't respond.

"Mr. Reed. Mr. Reed! Oh my fuckin' god, he fuckin' dead." 

Connor then realizes what he must do. Connor rolls Gavin onto his back and he raises his hand.

"Gavin!." No response. But just as Connor is gonna go for it, Gavin slowly opens his eyes and kinda sees Connor about to bitch slap him. That's when his eyes shoot open and grab Connor's wrist.

"No!" He yells, scrambling to get up.

"Dammit, Reed. You had to wake up." Hank is very disappointed. He really wanted to see that prick get the same treated he got all those months ago.

"Fuck you, Connor!"

"This is not the time and the place, Gavin. Remember?" Now it was Gavin's turn to get flustered. 

_Chad_ looks at the audience.

"This is the shit I go through every time I see these two together. By the way author, please take note of my shirt and stop italicizing my name. Yeah I still notice, you ain't slick." Yeah, yeah. Sure thing...  _Chad_. "UUUGHH." Thankfully, Gavin, Hank, and Connor stopped giving a shit and ignore him now. "This isn't over." Of course.  _Chad_ rolls his eyes as he walks over to Connor and Gavin because I italicized his name again and he puts his arms over their shoulders.

"Sooo, here's what I have planned. First we eat breakfast, then we go shopping, then we go to Red Robin for lunch, then we come back and take Sumo for a walk along the beach, then we do some karaoke at a bar, then we see a movie, then we come back again and play some Uno and Twister, then we order some pizza and watch old movies like Shrek 5 or whatever. K?

"What the fuck,  _Chad?"_ Gavin says.

There's no backing out so of course they do what he says. They know what'll happen if they don't. Gavin is a good example, having learned the hard way and Hank doesn't want to get slapped again. They eat breakfast, Hank eating oatmeal, Connor having cereal, and Gavin and  _Chad_  having Eggo waffles. Then they get ready and say bye to Sumo before walking out the door. About 7 minutes later, they find a mall to go to and go inside. Yes, a laugh track plays.

"Hey, look. A CyberLife store. Let's see what accessories they have!"  _Chad_ runs into the store, leaving the others behind. Connor, Gavin, and Hank catch up and they look around.

"Connor, check this out." Gavin calls, Connor coming up to see what he's looking at. "It's a new function that gives more color variety for hair. I'd like to see you with blue or green hair."

"Oh, but darling, green is not a creative color." Gavin's got the widest grin you've ever seen.

"Oh my god, whatever." Gavin lightly punches Connor's shoulder and walks away.

Hank walks into a different section of the store that doesn't sell accessories and sees something interesting. It was a VR simulation of what it would be like to be an android. It was android vision basically. Let you see the things and android could see.

"Hey, check this out! Seems pretty cool." Everyone walks over to find out what thing has caught Hank's attention.

"That's pretty fckn cool." Gavin mumbles. An android employee walks over and asks if they would like to try it. It's only $25 per person. Gavin decides, 'why not?' and pays. He selects a specific model.  RK800.

"Woah! This is so cool! Is this what you see, Connor? This is dope. Objective, capture deviant." Gavin attempts to mock Connor and holds up an imaginary pistol. "I won't hesitate, bitch!" He pretends to shoot at no one in particular.

"Ha ha, very funny, Gavin. Knock it off, I don't sound like that."

"No, but you used to." Hank chimed in.

Connor crosses his arms and looks away. Gavin finishes and Hank tries it out, but going for RK900 vision instead. They finish and check out other stores and go back to the car to go eat at Red Robin. Yum! Hank orders a Whiskey River BBQ,  _Chad_ gets pasta from the kid's menu, Gavin gets Red's Tavern, and Connor orders Clucks  & Shrimp. I'll give you a little something of their time their before we move on.

"Really,  _Chad_ _?_  From the  _kid's_ menu? It's for kids, not adult androids."

"Well, Hank, technically I'm not even a year old so system beat. Children androids in the future might still be child androids but will be past the age of 12. System beat, Hank. Now stop cyber bullying me. This is cyber bullying."

" _Chad_. Advice. When Hank is being a meanie, all you got to do is walk awayyayyay." Gavin tried to do that 'away' part right but he failed.

"Thank you, Gavin. See, Hank? Someone gets it."

They finish eating and leave but then  _Chad_ had to ask for balloons. Actually, they all left without realizing  _Chad_ wasn't with them. They got in the car and realized he wasn't there. Next thing ya know,  _Chad_ is walking over and gets in the car with three balloons tied to his wrist.

"Are they helium balloons?" Hank says, pushing one out of his face.

"Yeh."

"Oh fer fock's sake." Gavin says, rolling his eyes.

"I told ya the car's not able fer helium balloons."

"Fock."

"It's too late, ah, we're flying awey."

Long story short, Gavin pulled out a pocket knife and popped all of them, leaving a very sad android boi. They drove back to the house and take him for a walk. Connor mostly wanted to walk him but once Gavin asked for a turn to walk him, it all goes down hill from here.

"Can I hold the leash?"

Hank turns his head away to hide the giant shit eating grin growing on his face.

"Uh, sure,"

Gavin takes the leash from Connor and Sumo causes him to jerk forward. 

"What the hell? I didn't think he'd be this strong, you make it look so easy, Connor."

"I have super strength, as you call it. Remember?"

"Fuckin' androids."

"Sumo, let's go for a run!." Hank yells, about to break down laughing."

"Anderson, I'll kill yo-"

Sumo then starts running, dragging Gavin as he tries to keep himself from face planting and end up being dragged. Gavin tries to pull the leash but just ends up pulls himself. A large Dwayne Johnson is coming up and Gavin is too late to notice as he trips over it, falling hard on the ground. Sumo stops running, realizing no one was holding the leash. Hank is on his knees, laughing so hard, he's crying. Connor and  _Chad_ run over to Gavin. Connor crouches down to help him.  _Chad_ looks at you guys.

"See, kids. This is why you don't go running with a large St. Bernard when you know you can't match speed or strength. You'll only end up like this poor boi."

"Shut the fuck up and help me, _Chad_."

"These are some pretty nasty cuts and scrapes, Gavin. I hope you're cousin has the right stuff we need." Connor says, analyzing each cut.

"I would assume he would. Also, Anderson, FUCK YOU." Hank only laughs harder.

"Looks like Christmas has come early, eh Reed? Now if only you and Connor would break up, then it'd be a dream come true. No offense, son."

"Please, we're never gonna break up. Just you wait, one day you're gonna be walking Connor down an aisle while he's in his best suit. I'll be there waiting for him. Chris Miller will be there as my best man, waiting to give me the ring. Connor's best man is gonna be that robo Jesus guy who led the revolution."

Hank, catching on, stuck up two middle fingers, walking away to grab Sumo's leash. Connor sits there, head turned away as he's blushing furiously. 

"Y-you wanna marry me?"

"Fuck yeah I do." Gavin says, turning Connor's head to peck him on the lips. _Chad_ begins humming 'Here Come the Bride'.

"ALRIGHT, let's go and put some ban aids on this asshole and move on to the next thing on  _Chad's_ list." Connor and Gavin laugh quietly as they walk back.

_Chad_ says tonight is karaoke night at a nearby bar that he wants to go to, so that's what they're gonna do. 

"KARAOKE, BIOTCH."  _Chad_ practically screams, rushing to the door of the building. 

They take there seats at a table and watch some 20 something year old male sing the lyrics of Under the Sea from The Little Mermaid. Before ya know it, the guy finishes and  _Chad_ is running up the stage and selecting a song. Rock music is playing and suddenly.

"OH WAH AH AH AH."

"Christ, he's doing that one song from that one vine." Hank says, doing the famous Picard facepalm.

_Chad_ finishes the song and insists Connor and Gavin do a song together. He's already picked a song for them to sing. Everytime We Touch by Cascada. OOF. What a bop, amirite,  _Chad?_

"Hell yeah."

"Alright, Con. Let's go. We gotta do this."

"I don't know how the song goes."

"You're an android, figure it out. If you still can't, just follow my lead or lip sinc."

"O-Ok."

The music starts and Gavin starts singing. It takes a while but Connor finally gets it and soon they're both singing the lyrics passionately together.

"You make me rise when I fall! Cause everytime we touch, I get this feeling and everytime we kiss I swear I could fly. Can't you feel my heart beat fast, I want this to last, need you by my side. Cause everytime we touch I feel the static and everytime we kiss, I reach for the sky! Can't you feel my heart beat slow, I can't let you go, want you in my life!"

Connor and Gavin and dancing together during instrumentals and just enjoying themselves. The finish the last verse strong and kiss each other at the end. Cheesy AF yet utterly adorable AF.  _Chad_ then looks at Hank.

"Oh, no. I am NOT going up there."

"Then perish."

Hank ends up going up there to sing the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air theme song. This is the story all about how Hank's life got flipped, turned upside down and I'd like to take a minute, just sit right there, I'll tell you how he became the prince of a town called Detroit. Ok, Ok, movie time! What do they watch, you wonder? Well sometimes the theater plays old movies and tonight, one of the movies they happen to be playing is i,Robot. Hank stops walking and turns around to look at the other three.

"So I just remembered the plot of i,Robot and it sounds suspiciously like what we went through. That movie would have happened recently, too."

"2035." Gavin corrects.

"Right. It's about a detective, which could be me, who hated robots because they saved him and not the 12 year old girl who drowned. Not exactly the case for me but he hated androids because of what happened to her and I hated androids because of what happened to my son. Then there's that robot who says he has emotions."

"Don't forget they put android bodies in Lake Michigan when they're broken." Gavin adds.

"Right, right. Then in the end all the robots look at the one robot as their leader. That could be like Markus."

"It's somewhat similar to the situation you all dealt with."  _Chad_ says.

"Weird. Oh well." Connor says, starting to walk towards the theater.

They watch the movie and talk about it for a bit and then talk about Will Smith and actors.

"Will Smith was a great actor. Like in that one movie Shark Tale."

"Dammit, Reed. Of course you liked that movie."

"Liked? No. Like. i still do."

"Ugh."

"I quite like that actor Bendydick Cuminsnatch"

"Oh my god,  _Chad_. I hate that I still know who you're talking about." Gavin feels the nostalgia. It's strong with this one. Hank, too.

"I think you mean Buttercup Crumplesnack." Then something unbelievable happens. Connor contributes.

"No way. It's definitely Bumblesnuff Crimpysnitch."

"Holy shit, Connor. Wow. Oof. Whatever, anyways, you're wrong. It's Brendadirk Cramplescrunch."

You're all wrong. It's Buffalo Custardbath."

Almost immediately they're saying variations of Boogeyman Captaincrunch's name from Blenderwhoop Cupboardlatch to Butterscotch Crumpetpatch. I don't understand. I always thought it was Bundleup Catchyourdeath.

"Silly narrator. It's obviously Beaniebag Cabbagepatch." Fuckin' hell, this boi. 

Eventually they get in the car and get back to the house to play some Uno and let me tell ya, it didn't end well. There was raging and hating. Androids know how to win. Gavin was mostly the one hating. To tell you the truth, it was mostly  _Chad_ winning because Connor is too nice. He's purposely letting Gavin and Hank get close to winning. Mostly Gavin. Next game they is Twister. Unfortunately, because of Hank's age, he can't play. Wouldn't wanna break his back or anything like that, so instead it's just Gavin,  _Chad_ , and Connor while Hank does the spinner. Gavin and Connor stand next to each other on one side of the mat while  _Chad_ stands on the other as they wait for a command.

"Left hand blue."

"Right leg yellow."

"Right hand green."

"Left leg yellow."

"Right hand red."

And down goes _Chad_ , getting "tangled up" and "tripped" by the other two.

"Well it looks like I'm out. Gimme that!"  _Chad_ snatches the spinner and pretends to spin it but instead says all the things that would put the two players in a very promiscuous position.

"Right hand red."

"Left hand red."

"Right leg yellow."

"Left leg green." Can't let them get too suspicious.

Pretty soon Gavin is practically on top of Connor, really close together in a sexual position. It was then that Gavin realized just what exactly was going on.

"God dammit,  _Chad._ You weren't even looking at the spinner, were you? You set this up to happen. And you let it happen, didn't you, Anderson?" Hank opened his mouth to object but quickly shut his mouth. Why lie? Sure he wasn't a fan of the two being together but Gavin makes Connor happy. Besides, this whole set up is pretty funny.

They clean up everything and get some movies prepared. They've got Shrek 2, The Pest, Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs, and Step Up 3D. They settle for Step Up 3D. Then they order pizza. Pepperoni and cheese pizza. Fuck no they're not gonna order pineapple pizza, ya damn pansies.

"You tell 'em narrator. Who gets pineapple on their pizza? I'm only saying this because I'm hoping there's a chance people will take offence and stop reading because they hate you for talking trash about pizza they like. Yeah, I'm not a fan but whatevs." Damn you,  _Chad_ _!_ I hate you but I love you. 

"Step Up 3D is fuckin' GOLD." Gavin says, running to sit on the couch with a pizza in hand."

Time skip to the  ** _one_** part of the movie.

"Ha-Hank. Do you see that? The kid with the glasses behind Camille."

"Y-yeah. That kinda looks like Connor." 

_Chad_ looks at you all.

"Well shit."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OOF, Connor. Who that kid that look like you?   
> Also, I'm gonna draw Chad in his rockin' new outfit and then later I'll begin thinking up shit for the Chad fic.


	18. Authors Note - New Work!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No summary needed

It's here! Sorry, no chapter but there's a good reason for that. The _Chad_ spinoff fic is officially here! Just as I had promised. Follow the tales of everyone's favorite fourth wall breaking android by clicking the link!

Go on!  _Chad_ is waiting! Here's the [portal!](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15450717) Don't be shy, it's not gonna transport you to somewhere random. At least I hope not.  _Chad_ may have trapped it so I leave this second [portal](https://corgiorgy.com/) here just in case. One is trapped so choose wisely! I can't tell you where the other leads because  _Chad_ is the one who did it. It could be the first one or it could be the second. Hecc, the trapped one may not even be that bad! Only one way to find out

Another thing before you go, upload schedule change. I'll switch back and forth between works so one day it'll be The Chad Chronicles while the second day will be Memes with Connor and it'll change between the two in a pattern. I'll be busy Friday through Sunday so I probably won't be able to upload until Sunday night or Monday morning. School will also be starting up again soon so upload schedule will slow starting August 6th! Sucks, I know. Wish it didn't have to. Yeet me off the Golden Gate Bridge so I don't have to go back, lol.

That's all I can think of that I need to say so see ya!


	19. It's my right to be hellish

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Last day of vacation so what better way to spend it than at the beach?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SO FOCKIN SORRY. Forgive me for I have broken a promise. I feel terrible but it's pretty hard to write when people are over and distracted IS my middle name.  
> ALSO, ALSO, The Chad Chronicles is NOT over, I'm an idiot and accidentally somehow marked it as complete so if some of you thought it was over, nah. s o r r y.

Day 3. Do whatever the fuck they can, pack up, go home. None of them wanted to go home but unfortunately, they have work to go back to and crime doesn't take a break forever. Such a shame. 8:48 AM and they have till about 4 AM to do what they want so they head to the beach again.

"So, we headin' to the beach again?"  _Chad_ asks, strutting as he tries to show off his outfit as much as he can. 

"Yeah,  _Chad_. By the way, can you stop being like that? We get it, okay? You have tons of money." Gavin says, folding his arms.

_Chad_ lowers his sunglasses a bit to look at him properly and swiftly lifts his foot on top of a chair and waves his hand in front of it like a business woman showing off a new product.

"You sayin' you don't like these pumped up kicks?"

"Please don't" Hank butts in. He may like memes as much as the next guy, maybe more, but these are stale as fuck memes. Connor walks into the dining room.

"Hoe don't do it." How the fuck did he say no to memes yet meme himself? Hank thought.  _Chad_ clears his throat and inhales.

"ALL THE OTHER KIDS WITH THE PUMPED UP KICKS BETTER RUN, BETTER RUN, OUTRUN MY GUN. ALL THE OTHER KIDS WITH THE PUMPED UP KICKS BETTER RUN, BETTER RUN, FASTER THAN MY BULLET." 

Gavin grabs Connor's wrist and duct tapes a kitchen knife to it."

"Alright, Stabby, now just hold out your arm right in front of you like this and walk closer to  _Chad_."

"What the hell, Gavin? No."

"UUUUUGGGGHHH. You're no fun."

So yeah, that happened. Anyways, they get ready and walk to the car, with Sumo, and drive to the beach. Hank parks the car and both Connor and Sumo are already running off ahead of them.  _Chad_ , Gavin, and Hank are left behind and walk over. By the time they get there, a man can be seen flirting to a very clueless and oblivious Connor. Poor kid. Even though he's been dating Gavin, he still doesn't know when a person is flirting with him. You'd think he'd know by now, especially since he's an android and all. He probably thinks the just wants to be his friend. This does not go unnoticed by Gavin as he's fuming mad. Hank and  _Chad_ try and hold him back but for a small man, he's pretty strong.

"Lemme go, I'm abouta yeet this thot across Michigan. He's gonna catch these hands without even knowing" Gavin said, trying to break free of their grip. Mostly  _Chad_ , being the strong android he is.

"No a chance, Reed. As much as I wanna go at him myself, it may just be a harmless interact-" The sight in front of them made Hank eat his own words as they can see the other man caress Connor's cheek and Connor quickly taking a step back. Hank and  _Chad_ _'_ _s_ grip on Gavin loosen and he yanks himself free, quickly stomping over to bitch slap the fuck out of the motherfucker. However he is too late as Connor has already beat him to it. The man lays on the ground unconscious as Connor stands there, looking at the man with eyes colder than Killer Frost. Gavin stops in his tracks for a hot second before sprinting to Connor.

 "Fuckin' hell, Con. That was fuckin' brutal."

"I may be clueless when it comes to love but I know when the line has been crossed... I saw you, ya know. Out of the corner of my eye. Hank and _Chad_   holding you back. I appreciate your concern but I can handle things myself just fine."

"I-I know, it's just I love you and all and I just get jealous."

"Jealousy is a dangerous emotion."

"Well I'm a dangerous guy. I love you, Connor. I can't just let any guy flirt with you because you know how to deal with it. I mean, you're too sexy beautiful and everybody wants a taste, that's why I still get jealous."

"Gavin, are you reciting the lyrics to a song?" Connor asks, taking half a step closer.

"I turn my cheek, music up and I'm puffing my chest, I'm getting ready to face you, can call me obsessed. It's not your fault that they hover, I mean no disrespect, it's my right to be hellish, I still get jealous." Yep. That pretty much answers his question.

"I researched this song. Disregarding a few lyrics, this is pretty much you in a nutshell."

"It is, isn't it?" Gavin asks, kicking some sand onto the still unconscious guy.

"You really pack a punch, don't you?" Both of them share a laugh.

Hank and  _Chad_ walk over, assuming it's okay to come over now.

"DAAAAAMN."  _Chad_ yells, standing over the guy, crouching a bit. "You got knocked the fuck out!"

"Hey, Connor. Wanna bury this guy?" Gavin asks, glancing at the dude.

"Gavin. No."

"Boo!"

"Come on, Gavin, don't be like that."

Okay, so the guy stays unconscious for another 15 minutes before his friends realize what happen and Connor, Gavin, Hank, and  _Chad_ are playing water games in the ocean. Spoiler, but for the rest of the time they're there, Gavin shooting a threatening look to every person who so much as glance at Connor and makes sure to let the people around them know that Connor belongs to Gavin and Gavin only.

Anyways, back to the water games thing. One of them they play is Marco Polo which is completely unfair because, hello! Androids! They make it impossible to win. They're swift, fast, and have impeccable hearing. Hank and Gavin are always the first to lose before either androids because Connor and  _Chad_ hear every move they make and always know exactly where to go. When either androids are the one to yell 'Polo!', they know just how to dodge and make the least amount of noise in the water as they possibly can. Gavin tries to copy them and end up kicking a rock and going underneath.

"Mmm, watcha saay, mm that you only meant well, well of course you did."  _Chad_ continues singing as Connor dives in to bring Gavin back up and closer to shore.

"Dumbass, amirite, audience?"  _Chad_ says, eye twitching at the italicized name. "I live in an actual fucking sitcom and I'm the only one who knows it."  _Chad_ slowly allows himself to sink below the surface

A few minutes pass and Gavin has written Connor's name in large letters in the sand in front of Connor.

"Happy birthday, Connor!" Gavin says, rounding the large name in the sand to him.

"I can't swim." Connor says in response, looking at Gavin with a straight face for a moment before his lips break into a grin. Sumo walks over the name, completely ruining and messing up the whole thing as he turns around to lay directly in the middle of it.

Well, they've had their fun and now it's time to head back to pack up their shit and say adiós to paradise.

"I can't believe it's over already, Feels like we just got here." Hank says, suitcase in hand

"Time flies by fast." Gavin adds, walking to the door."

"You two have no idea about the concept of time. It's an illusion. A distraction. A countdown. As the years move forward, time is counting down to the inevitable always. Choose wisely but fate always has its ways."  _Chad_ says, looking right into Gavin's soul.

"Alright, cool it, Aristotle. I don't have time or mentality for this." Gavin says, pushing past him.

"Nobody ever does or ever will."  _Chad_ quietly mutters.

Everyone puts everything in the trunk as they sit in the exact same seats as when they left Detroit. On the way back, they pick up some SubWay and continue the drive. Connor of course splits his sandwich with Sumo. Sumo, wanting more, stares at  _Chad_ and he gives in, letting Sumo have a bite. Sumo then chooses Hank as his next victim but all he gives Sumo is a chunk of bread. All Gavin let's him have is half a meatball expect not really willingly on his own behalf because Connor.. Looks like Sumo doesn't need to be fed tonight.

They arrive back at Hank's house and enter his home. Hank unpacks and allows  _Chad_ to stay the night and Connor says goodbye to the both of them and Sumo as him and Gavin exit the house to head back to Gavin's. Fun day. Perhaps a miracle will happen and they'll be able to do it again.

"Miracles aren't real."

Thank you,  _Chad_. Move along, now. Anyways, bye. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's short, yeah, but I wanted to get chapter to ya'll as soon as possible but it so happens that it's at night and I'm gonna fall asleep.  
> BTW, the song is Jealous by Nick Jonas and the song is stuck in my head and it happens to kinda make me think of Convin. Can't wait to spend the rest of the week looping and thinking of the song. Oof.


	20. Let it Snow!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Because I fucking can, we're gonna travel into the future when it starts to snow in about early November because that's how this shit works.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today's excuse: I got caught up talking with frens on Discord. WHOOPS. I had already been writing and got up to "Shut the fuck up, Gavin!" before stopping to chat. I saved the draft and put my laptop away to chat. I know I'm supposed to upload and I didn't, sue me!

November 11th. The ground has been covered in a pretty thick blanket of snow and children can be seen playing in it and making snowmen. Hank, Gavin, Connor, and  _Chad_ are inside the precinct working, however one of them doesn't appear to be doing his work.  _Chad_ sits at his desk zoned out and in his own little world.

"Earth to  _Chad_ , are ya there?" Hank asked, waving a hand in front of his face, snapping him back to reality.

"Wha? Huh? Yes, Hank?"

"You were zoning out there. You okay?"

"Oh, yes. I am. I appreciate your concern, thank you."

"Sometimes I forget you're still an RK and might talk like Connor."

"Beep boop."

"There it is!." They sat there lightly chuckling for a bit before Hank spoke up again. "So.. What's on your mind?"

"Oh, uh. I kinda wanna play in the snow."  _Chad_ sat there ready for Hank to break out laughing but he didn't.. Gavin already beat him to it.

"Shut the fuck up, Gavin!"  _Chad_ yelled, LED a red that never changes any other shade of red and yet is a blood red that tells Gavin he should probably shut up now.

"You know what? Let's go outside. Connor!" Hank said, getting up and motioning for Connor to get up and follow. Gavin reluctantly gets up, groaning and  _Chad_ excitedly bolts out the building with the biggest smile you've ever seen. 

  _A few moments later._

"Hasta la vista , baby."  _Chad_ says as he launches a snowball at giving with full strength. Gavin is hit and falls hard. Connor dashes to the snow wall Gavin is behind, ducking and rolling to avoid icy projectiles. 

Hank is slowly building up his and  _Chad's_ snow wall as  _Chad_ tries to shoot at Connor. Hank slowly pops his head over the small fort to see how the other team is doing.

"Hehe. Down here, I am perfectly-" Hank is cut off by a snowball to the face. Connor had somehow hit him without being noticed by Hank nor  _Chad_.

"Exposed!" Connor finishes before he ducks behind the fort with Gavin. Hank looks at Connor with a look of disappointment mixed with anger and a hint of confusion.

Real quick, can we talk about winter fashion?

"Yes, please!"

Thank you,  _Chad_ _!_ Anyways, we all know of  _Chad_ _'s_ impeccable sense of fashion so lets get into that.  _Chad_ is wearing a dark grey, slim fit, wool Cashmere coat with a simple black turtleneck, Calvin Klein grey pants, red leather gloves, and white Converse shoes with little blue snowflakes. Of course, he still wears his Louis Vuitton aviators. Hank and Gavin wear the usual but Connor is wearing something a little different that what you'd expect. He's wearing a light brown leather jacket, hoodless, with fur covering the insides and simple black pants. His shoes are his usual dress shoes.  _Chad_ , a while ago, had asked Connor if he wanted anything but Connor refused. Somehow,  _Chad_ had gotten Connor to agree to at least one item and Connor had switched the temperature function on, like  _Chad_ , just so the coat could fulfill its purpose.

Ever since they left for Lake Michigan months ago, they had learned something new about  _Chad_ that nobody would have ever guessed. Well, for starters, the guy has a lot of money! And two,  _Chad_ has an amazing sense of fashion. He's always buying something designer by big name brands like Louis Vuitton, Versace, Calvin Klein, etc. I mean, for fucks sake, he's wearing Cashmere!

That  _Chad_.  _Chad_. Memelord, 4th wall breaker, fashionista, and one hell of a joker. That's not something you see in the average RK900. He's like when I.R.I.S from LocoCycle got hit by lightning and just changed.  _Chad_ is I.R.I.S and Connor is S.P.I.K.E, the motorcycle who hunted down I.R.I.S for driving away with a man for freedom while S.P.I.K.E followed orders in hunting her down and then later towards the end become like her after meeting a human woman who kinda made him view things differently. 

Anyways, lets get back on track with the story and return to the others.

 "Shit, Con. Aren't you cold?" Gavin has finally returned and seems a little groggy. He was just pelted hard with a snowball going at high speeds.  _Chad_ should probably save the strength for Connor.

"A little but the cold never bothered me anyway."

"Fuckin' hell."

"Ice-ee you don't like Frozen references."

"Oh boy, ice puns. I do like Frozen references but it's weird coming from you. And these puns!"

"Let it go, Gav."

"Either  _Chad_ knocked me out good or this is actually happening."

Another large snow ball is hurled through the air, barely grazing Connor's forearm as he moves out the way. Connor quickly builds up the wall as Gavin shapes more snowballs for Connor. Connor picks up a couple snowballs and slides behind a nearby tree, chucking them both at his two opponents.  _Chad_ ducks down but Hank is hit. Gavin discretely packs a rock into one snowball, thinking Connor wouldn't notice the wight.

"Gavin."

"Yes, darling?"

"There's a rock in this one, isn't there?"

"Yep."

"Oh well. Sucks to be _Chad."_ Connor says nonchalantly, swiftly catapulting the disguised weapon at  _Chad_. He hits him right on his shoulder.  _Chad_ falls back, thirium leaking through his coat.  _Chad_ can be heard groaning.

"This is designer, you fucker! You're gonna get this cleaned when this is over."

Hank peeps over to Gavin's side of the are to see him quickly sneak a large rock behind their fort.

"So that's how ya wanna play, huh?" Hank whispers, turning around to help aid his partner. The rock got him good. It was foul play and if that's how it's gonna go down then that's how it's gonna go down. Sure, Hank would never wanna hurt Connor but Reed? He's okay with that. A small rock inside a large snowball to a limb because humans are fragile compared to androids.

Hank grabs a pretty small to medium sized rock and packs it in the largest snowball he could make before it would get too suspicious and crawls a bit so Reed is in view. Hank raises his arm, not too high, and throws it to Reed, having his arm in mind. Reed was perched on his side, making snowballs. It would have been a direct hit to the arm if he hadn't moved and the next thing ya know, Gavin is screaming in the snow, holding his crotch with Connor by his side sending death stares towards Hank, who is now trying to back away.

"Haaannk!" Connor calls, slowly getting up. Gavin quickly grabs at his pants leg and looks up at Connor. "You can't just leave me here!" Gavin struggled to say.

"Sorry, babe, but I have something I gotta do."

"Vengeful you is hot."

* * *

"Oh Haaaank! Come out, comeout wherever you are!" Connor said, rounding a corner inside the precinct where Hank had ran off to. Gavin is outside, on the lookout for Hank while  _Chad_ tries to keep Hank from being found. It's been a good 13 minutes and Hank is still on the run.

Then there it was. The sounds of shoes turning a corner fast and the sound of a door being opened. Hank had ran into the restrooms where Connor had just been. Hank is smart, hiding in an area just recently checked. Good thing for Connor, he has great hearing. Something Hank wouldn't know about. Connor swiftly slides into the men's restroom and makes sure not to make a sound in there. Connor stays hidden from Hank's view and makes zero noise walking. He's pretty pro at silence. Connor slip into the furthest stall from Hank's and slithers his way to Hank's an climbs onto the toilet seat. Fortunately, Hank is too caught up in his head trying to figure out what would happen if Connor were to catch him to realize he's already been caught. Connor looms over him, staring down. Connor opens his mouth to say something.

"The snow glows white on the mountain tonight-" Hank is startled bad as he jerks his head up to see Connor with a menacing look on his face as he recites Let It Go. 

"Not a footprint to be seen." Hank tries to exit the stall fast but Connor quickly hops over the door to stand in front of him.

"A kingdom of isolation, and it looks like I'm the queen." Hank quickly shuts his eyes tight, awaiting for Connor to do something. He seemed to be expecting a punch in the face or a kick to the balls. Nope. Connor takes him by the shoulder and guides him out the restroom, continuing the song, Hank mumbling something along the lines of 'fuckin' deviants.' but Connor doesn't care. He found Hank!

"The wind is howling like this swirling storm inside." Connor is pushing Hank through the precinct where every detective, officer, captain, anyone could witness this victory.

"Couldn't keep it in, Heaven knows I've tried." Variations of  'good job!' can be heard from people like Tina Chen and Chris Miller.

Don't let them in, don't let them see, be the good girl you always have to be. Conceal, don't feel, don't let them know! Well, now they know!" At this point, Connor is rushing Hank through the doors and to where the others were. Hank falls to the ground and Connor stands next to Gavin, who hands him a couple snowballs. Hank pushes himself to his hands and knees before looking up. Both Connor and Gavin wear the devil's grin like it were their own.

"Let it go, Lieutenant." Connor whispered loud enough for him to hear before he's pelted with dozens of snowballs every second.

All this over some accident. Guess that's what he gets for not playing fair. A punishment for a punishment. Eye for an eye.

And where is  _Chad_ , you ask? Handcuffed to a pole, trying to get out.  _Chad_ could easily get out using his android strength but he doesn't like breaking property, if you remember when he opened the door before kicking it open. He wouldn't bust open doors unless the situation called for it.

Hank threw his hands up in the air to surrender.

"I surrender, alright!? Cut that shit out, stop it with the snowballs! You won!" Hank slowly got up, hands still up in the air and head lowered a bit. Gavin and Connor look at each other and high five.

"We should probably get  _Chad_." Gavin said, grabbing the key from his pocket.

"Yeah." Connor replied.

The three walk over to  _Chad_ who looks like he's just given up at escaping. He's kinda just sitting there now.

"Hey, loser!" Gavin called, twirling the key on his index finger

"Fuckin' hell, finally! What took you so long?"  _Chad_ said, scrambling to his feet.

"We were busy burying Hank in a ton of snowballs." Connor answered, a proud smirk adorning him.

"Nice!"  _Chad_ said, reaching to high five Connor, who gladly accepts.

"We're on the same team! We lost!" Hank said, giving him a 'what the fuck, man?' face.

"Oh, uh. Yeah, I'm very disappointed!" Gavin and Connor shake their head in disapproval.

"No? Ok."

Everyone shakes and removes any snow leftover before returning back into the station. Immediately, people start asking who lost and Gavin and Connor proudly answer. Hank tries to avoid contact while  _Chad_ puts on his 'serious android' face. Shit got pretty intense for a snowball fight. This is why you never get adults involved because things get out of hand. Moral of the story: Don't get adults competitive in kids games because then it's no longer a kids game. Better run. Well, baiiiiiiiiiiiiii.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I struggled to write more. Fucking writers block.  
> Fun fact: I've made a type here and last chapter involving Gavin. Last chapter was "Gavin sins" instead of "Gavin says" and this chapter was "Gavin killed" instead of "Gavin called". Lol


	21. Interrogation and Unexpectation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A criminal has been apprehended and it's up to Connor and /Chad/ to get him to confess his crimes and motivations but the guy isn't what they expected.  
> The four go to Gavin's house to do their usual shit and it doesn't end the way they usually expect it to

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me? finally updating? It's more likely than you think. Lo siento.  
> Ok, can I also say another reason was because the WiFi went down for a few days? So I couldn't upload or anything.

"7 gunshot wounds and dumped in a pond. You aren't a bright one, are you?" Connor glared at him. The man sitting across the table is a tall, dark haired man named Philip Swiftlock.

"Another report tells me you sawed someone's vehicle in half and attempted to repair it with duct tape."

"This sounds vaguely familiar." Hank comments.

"Definitely."  _Chad_ replies

"I wasn't me."

"I have camera footage"

"Wasn't me."

"We caught you stalking your neighbor. On camera. You killed her. Just say you killed her."

"Wasn't me." This is obviously not going anywhere.

"We can see the marks on your shoulder from when she tried to fight back."

"Still wasn't me." A stubborn one.

"the neighborhood say they heard her screams get louder."

"This is getting nowhere." Said a very impatient  _Chad_. He storms out the room and into the interrogation room, quickly shoving Connor out and ignoring the laugh track as well as Connor's complaints.

_Chad_ slams his hands on the table, startling Philip. "Just admit it, dude! You're gonna do it sooner or later so let's just make it quick, aight?"

"I-it wasn't m-me!"

_Chad_ sighs as he pinches the bridge of his nose. He walks around the table with a big grin and brings himself close to the man's ear. He crouches and takes a deep breath of air and- "Why the fuck you lyin', why you always lyin', HMmmM Oh mY gOd, stop fuckin' lyin'!"

" _Chad!_ _"_ Hank yells, gaining the attention of the android.

"Yes, lieutenant?"

"You don't plan on annoying the suspect into confession, are you?"

"Good idea, lieutenant! You're so smart!" _Chad_ exits the room and returns a second later with a purple and white Gibson Flying V electric guitar and an amp. 

"Where the hell did he get that?" Hank exclaims, practically jumping from his seat.

The sound of the door opening is heard and Connor and Hank turn to see. It's just Gavin.

"Hey, Connor, have you seen my guitar?"

"Is it the purple and white electric one?"

"Yeah, that's the one!" 

Connor nods his head in the direction of the interrogation room. Gavin walks up to the glass and soon after, his hands are against the glass.

"Jesus fucking Christ! What is he doing!? Phck!"

"Sorry, babe. If I had known-"

"Don't apologize, Con. You didn't know."

_Chad,_ after plugging everything in, props his leg up on the chair and raises his arm above.

"1,2,3,4!" His arm comes down and starts playing random chords as he begins screaming at the guy.

"Oh, oof." Gavin replies, backing up a bit.

"Don't fucking say oof ever again, ya hear? Or else." Hank threatens.

"Or else what, old man?"

"I'll shoot you."

"You wouldn't. Pussy."

"I won't hesitate, bitch."

"I'm gonna murder both of you heathens if you don't shut up." Connor has his face in his palms. His boyfriend and father figure are arguing and that android that he definitely doesn't know in the interrogation room is still screaming at the suspect. At the moment, everything can be heard in the room.

"Alright! I give up!" Screamed the irritated suspect. "I've had it with all of you! I did it, OK? Just please take me away. I can't bare to stand another second with you people!"

"Aha! My plan worked!"  _Chad_ said excitedly as he set the guitar down and uncuffed Philip to take him away.

"fuck you." 

"Shut up, criminal!"  _Chad_ spat.

* * *

  **At Gavin's house**

"you still own a PS4?"  _Chad_ asked as he watched him pull out the console from the closet.

"Hell yeah."

"Xbox is better." Hank dared to argue.

"That's the tea." Gavin replies, hooking everything up.

"It's not 2017, 2018, or 2019 anymore, Gavin. It's time to stop." Hank demanded, unaware of what he has just said.

"what did you just say? It's time to stop?"

"Oh no.."

"Where are your parents? Who are your parents? I'm gonna call child protective services, it's time to stop!" Gavin recites the best he can.

"I'm gonna kermit."

"Now that's what I call edgy!"  _Chad_ calls from the kitchen.

"Let me just say, 2020 was a sad year for memes." Gavin says, searching through multiple games.

"Definitely. The Oprah memes weren't all that good."

"I'd rather look at 2012 memes."

"Oh god!" There is no reminiscing in those memes. Not now, anyways.

Gavin holds out in front of him two games. Mortal Kombat XL and Heavy Rain.

"How the fuck did Heavy Rain get in my PS4 game collection?" Gavin asks, tossing the PS3 game to the side.

"Everything about that sentence physically and mentally hurt." Hank said, plopping down on the couch.

 "Heavy Rain was something. David Cage still sucks ass. I hated the guy." Gavin adds.

"Honestly. All his games were bad."

"Well, I wouldn't say all."

"No, all."

"Care to tell why?"

"Characters were poorly written, the graphics sucked, and he was just overall a shitty writer. Every character of every game sucked."

"... I hate David Cage."

"Me too."

"Whooo wants pastaa!?!"  _Chad_ comes in balancing 4 plates of penne pasta and spaghetti on his arms. Two on the left and two on the right, of course. On each plate, the plates were divided in half. One half penne pasta and the other half spaghetti.

"Awesome!" Gavin quickly got up, dropping everything.

Connor walks in after  _Chad_ with sauce on his right cheek.

"Oh, uh. You got a little something there on your face, babe." Gavin says, walking up to Connor and slowly licking off the sauce in one motion. Connor didn't even have time to process what just happened. The blank look on his face that turned to shock, then embarrassment.

"Really, Gav? In front of them?" Connor asked shyly, unable to focus on just one thing.

"Oh, no. I'm  _totally_ fine with PDA between an android that I consider as a son and a coworker who I've despised for so long!" Hank's obvious sarcasm is obvious.

"Let's just watch a movie instead."  _Chad_ suggested.

"What movie?" Gavin asks.

"Uhh... Sausage Party?"

"Get out."

"No."

"Yes."

"Make me!"

"Kinky."

"Hank!"

"Hey, don't kink shame people, Connor!"

" _Chad!_ _"_

"Kink shaming is my kink!"

"Hank, please stop."

**5 minutes later**

They decided to watch YouTube instead and  _Chad_ and Gavin are singing along to a very old video.

"Bitch I'm a cow, bitch I'm a cow, I'm not a cat, I don't say meow." Hank doesn't know how this happened. One second they're picking a game to play and then fighting over stupid shit and now they're listening to stupid shit. "Bitch I'm to smooooooth, I'm not in the moooood, tryna make mooooves, tryna make mooooves, bitch I'm too smoooooth-" 

Hank is dying. And Connor? Connor forced himself into sleep mode.

"Old McDonald had a farm, I give him a titty tryna keep him calm. I'm just tryna turn up in the country, I ain't in the city cuz they ain't got lawns. Suck a nigga dick or something, E-I-O."

"I wanna fucking die."

**7:00 AM**

"WAKE THE FUCK UP!" Screamed the android in Ralph Lauren pajamas. This android, I swear, is gonna have more money than Jay Gatsby.

"You bet your fucking ass I will!"  _Chad,_ the fourth wall! Aghh! I just got finished paying off the debt, too. You're paying for this one. Hell, I should've made you pay for previous damages and breaks to the wall.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever."

"Seriously, dude, who the fuck are you talking to?"

"None of your goddamn business, Gavin!"

"Calm the fuck down, Diddy. Damn!"  _(Diddy is a very rich celebrity if you didn't know)_.

"Turn the fucking lamp off, Connor. It's wasting electricity." Hank said, covering his face with his hands. "It shouldn't even be on in the first place."

"No, don't do it Connor. For we are creatures of the light. Moths."

"I'm gonna murder you, _Chad_." Hank threatens which doesn't actually sound all that threatening considering the time of day.

"Do it, Hank. I dare you. Kill me, you Gritty looking ass mother trucker."

"I'm gonna murder myself."

"Death is nothing but an illusion. We glorify it yet also think of it as the worse thing that could ever happen to a person but nobody knows what happens when the lights go out. Are we reincarnated? Do we move on to this so-called Heaven? Hell? I can tell you for a fact that none of those are true. The sweet release of death is anything but what anyone would expect or hope for. It's cruel and messy. An empty void where we drift into nothingness. Absolute nothingness. Nothing special. We drift through the endless abyss of death. No one can ever escape. You're just a ghost floating through time. No thoughts go through your head. What is there to think about? Nothing. Life is meaningless when it's over. No fulfillment. Just emptiness. Trapped in your own mind for eternity. A lost soul with no purpose. No soul has a purpose after death. Nothing."

"All of a sudden I feel horrible. Like I should do something with my life and not waste a second of it." Gavin replied.

"I'm gonna.. I'm gonna go sit down in a chair for a bit." Hank got up and went to the dining" room.

"Let that sink in." _Chad_ responds.

"..."

"Goddammit,  _Chad."_ Connor facepalms.

Hank sits in the dining room zoned out, thinking about rA9 knows what. Gavin is laid back on the couch also staring off into space. Connor is watching Kitchen Nightmares.

"It's RAW!" -Gordon Ramsay.

_Chad_ is also in the kitchen cleaning up dishes, minding his own business. Then he looks over his shoulder at Hank.

"Hey, Hank?"

"..."

"So uh. Remember Bowsette? And Boosette? From 2018?" Hank just sends him a glare and gets up and leaves.

"Good talk."

So it's like this for about another 30 minutes. Silence. The only sounds coming from the TV. Nobody speaks a word during that whole time. Not a sounds from anyone. Not until they receive a call about a double homicide. They silently get up and leave, Connor leaves with Gavin in his car and Hank reluctantly allows  _Chad_ to ride with him but in the back seat. It's an awkward silence for them but with Gavin and Connor, Connor is attempting to lighten the mood. And by that, I mean they're still in the car outside the house, full on making out in a heated ecstasy. 

All is well in the end. The suspect got away and both victims had been skinned alive and died drowning at the bottom of a pool infested with carnivorous fish, such as piranhas. The murderer wasn't very smart and assumed the heavily chlorinated water wouldn't end up killing the fish before they could finish their meal. Nobody knows why there is so much chlorine in the water. There just is.

What a happy ending. Goodnight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, it looks like it's spooky season. Coolio. I'm going as RK900.  
> Anyways, I'd also like to say that if you wanna join a Convin Discord server, I have a link in my Tumblr bio which is Geronimouse. Join because I said so.

**Author's Note:**

> I regret nothing


End file.
